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CBT Day - Communication

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CBT Day - Communication

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 140

MM, Cabbage, Patrick - this is a new subject to me, and something that I instinctively knew I had a problem with, but had never seen verbally described until this forum. I'd like to hear more on how to develop assertive communication behaviour, if any of you could share. What is quite amazing is that, after reading your posts, I learned that I was due for another confrontational meeting with the boss who's been making my life a misery recently. I went into it with the attitude that, sure, he had his problems, but he's been totally ignoring mine for way too long, and it was make it clear, quite calmly, that I was very unhappy. That's assertive, right? Well, it worked very well anyhow. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/1/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 58 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,160 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �307.40 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 10 [B]Seconds:[/B] 1

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1890

I've been dealing with this problem for years in myself... I finally settled on being assertive. This can sound cold and aloof unless it is personalized during delivery - one has to practice speaking calmly and honestly without sounding like Cardinal Richelieu. If that approach doesn't work then I repeat myself clearly again and then shut-up and turn inward to control my HBP problem ... life's too short for BS. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/18/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 41 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,025 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $461.25 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 7 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 59 [B]Seconds:[/B] 7

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 74

Thanks Misty Moonlight, I'll totally pick up a copy. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]9/9/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 537 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 21,480 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $10,740.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 49 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 36 [B]Seconds:[/B] 2

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 591

Try picking up a copy of "When things fall apart" by Pema Chodron at the library, Cabbage. It goes over that very thing, and addiction, and change as well. I'm reading it right now and feel i've gotten a LOT out of it. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 590 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 44,250 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $11,062.50 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 52 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 34

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 74

I have to admit that I'm ruled by my emotions. I am definately a reactor rather than a responder and so, I tend to bounce through different communication styles. I'm able to be assertive if I feel comfortable with the person. When I feel intimidated my style gets more and more indirect until even I'm annoyed with myself. I'm looking into getting some long term professional help to guide me into staying focussed on the moment (mindfullness and awareness) and to gain some freedom from my slavery to my sometimes very intense emotions. At the moment I'm seeing someone on a temporary basis and my time with him is running out - sad for me, I'll miss him. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]9/9/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 536 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 21,440 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $10,720.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 49 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 27 [B]Seconds:[/B] 44

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 591

Assertive. I've been shooting for this for a very long time. Sometimes I think I have it down and then I get a response from an agressive person and so I smack them around verbally for a while until someone throws their hat on the ground and stomps off! *sigh* [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 590 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 44,250 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $11,062.50 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 52 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 34 [B]Seconds:[/B] 41

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 140

Danielle, thank you for your posts on this subject. I see myself as a bit bipolar - in a professional environment, I start out on any confrontational discussion as aggressive, then become passive-aggresive as the discussion evolves. It's happened a lot this week - details later if necessary or desired. One question I have is WHAT personality are we aiming for? Because all three of the ones below are negative, i, my view. I'm honestly not being facetious - but if you aren't passive, aggressive or passive/aggressive, what on earth are you? [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/1/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 57 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,140 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] �302.10 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 9 [B]Hrs:[/B] 13 [B]Mins:[/B] 20 [B]Seconds:[/B] 3

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 591

Good idea, Josie - I'm going to give it a go. Peteg - you may be on to something there. I'll have to spend some time thinking, meditating and journaling about it, but you may have something. Nobody ever listened to me, so why would I grow to be a listener anyhow? Maybe this is something that's been passed down the generations of my family. I know that I used to complain a lot that the children didn't respect my privacy. They didn't knock when they walked in my room, and I often found myself having very important family discussions while I was sitting on the toilet! We were in a family counseling session once and the counselor asked "Do you do those things to them?" I took some time observing and realized that yes - yes i did do those things to them! I stopped and insisted that they stop and it all stopped. But, that's when I noticed that my mother does it too! She used to come over and walk right through my front door without knocking or anything! I had to start keeping the door locked all the time. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 590 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 44,250 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $11,062.50 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 52 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 3 [B]Seconds:[/B] 16

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 26

Perhaps one way to be heard more clearly is to be known and trusted as a person who listens more carefully? peteg [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]2/25/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 0 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 55 [B]Seconds:[/B] 33

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Take this on together. It is family situation and you need to work as a family to make it happen. Enlist in your husband and come up with a game plan. Expectations, consequences, rewards. Include yourself and your husband and use the same rewards and consequences to set an example for everyone. It can be done, so get started now and make a plan. Make sure you include personal rewards and family rewards. Start small and work your way up, be proactive and positive :) Josie, Health Educator

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CBT Day - Communication