[quote]Aggressive Communication Style When people communicate in an aggressive way they tend to communicate their belief that their rights and needs are more important than the rights and needs of others. People who communicate aggressively often bully people to make sure that they get what they want. Sometimes people who communicate in an aggressive way are just jerks. However, sometimes people communicate their needs aggressively because they fear that if they don�t force people to respond to their needs and wants, they won�t get anything in return.[/quote] This is me. I hope that i'm not just a jerk! lol This isn't actually me all of the time, but this is definantly me when I don't feel heard. I have found myself here at home crying, and extrememly upset, and saying things like "Why doesn't anyone hear me!!!??" I yell - I'm defianntly a yeller. This has been less so over the last year or so since i've quit smoking and have been working on myself and and ager issues, but I do still yell. I have told my husband that nothing gets done if I don't yell it, and nobody hears me if I don't yell it. Now - logically I do know that i created this situation in my home. I do know that, but I also know that I don't know how to uncreate the monster I made. The monster that tells all of my children and my husband that they don't need to act, hold up their own responsibilities, pick up their socks, or do what they need to do unless I have started screeming it to them. Until that point.. eh, do whatever. That's the monster that lives here. I have said that I don't feel heard for many many many many years - probably since adolscence. I have nightmares that everyone in my family has lost their ears or that my mouth dissapears. My father didn't listen to me, my educators didn't listen to me, and my first husband didn't listen to me. This is something that i've been training to be since I was 12 or 13 years old, so how in the world do I unmake all of this? How do I become someone that is heard on the first try? I don't want to be like this anymore - the amount of guilt that lives within me is enormous, and guilt just leads to more anger and frustration. I've known for some time that it's all been about assertiveness but i've never figured out how to stop it! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 588 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 44,100 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $11,025.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 52 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 53 [B]Seconds:[/B] 38

LLP, Thanks for sharing your experience with us. Be sure to keep tuning in. Later on today and over the next few weeks we will be talking about strategies around assertiveness. Danielle, Bilingual Health Educator

This message kind of hit home for me. I know that I have a tendency towards passive-aggressive mannerisms, but I'd not every heard it described quite in this manner. When I was smoking, even my kids recognized my smoking as a passive aggressive response (along with making faces, slamming dishes, etc.). Recent example: Yesterday I had a house guest that well overstayed their welcome. I had a million & one things to do and did not feel comfortable doing them with them there, so did I tell them that? Of course not. I didn't want to seem mean. I strongly hinted by occassionally sliding comments into casual conversation. Yet when he asked if he should leave I was very non-committal. Way to take charge, huh? Yet I was frustrated as h*** he was still there, which is not fair to him at all. I know it's a problem... I'm working on being more direct and assertive. :blush: [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]12/11/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 69 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,760 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $621.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 5 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 35 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0