Blue Cloud: Here is one from my own journal that I wrote in the very early part of this quit...I read your post today and thought you might appreciate it... nonic 380343 Hello Friends: For to many years I have been emotionally attached to the world by an umbilical chord of thin blue smoke. This journey has caused me to take a look at why I allowed myself to develop such a sad relationship with the world. This has actually been useful to me in stopping, because I need to understand the whole of it in order to change the pieces around. Smoking has been a part of me for a long long time. And make no mistake; I have been its willing companion. An amazing magician is this substance. When I was hurt it told me everything would be alright as long as I didn't actually feel the pain. And I believed it. And I never learned to grieve. When I got angry it told me everything would be alright as long as I didn't defend myself. And I believed it. And I never learned to communicate. When I was afraid, it told me everything would be alright as long as I never tasted the fear. And I believed it. And I never learned to cope. When I was happy, it convinced me it was my friend as long as I took it to the party. And I believed it. And I never felt total joy. So here we are now or should I say here I am, the smoke is becoming a distant memory. However, it has left me with a great deal of learning to do. Each day is a challenge, as I am finally learning how to deal with the fire of my emotions without first dulling them on nicotine�s anvil. I feel very self conscious, hoping that my verbiage is not taken as an attack, praying that I can be accepting of others ways without the perception of rejection, remaining within myself without causing others pain or embarrassment. I am having to watch myself very closely. Perhaps in the end this is what this journey is all about. I know I am meeting myself for the first time in a long time and it is a bit akward. I really do like who I am. I just need to be sure that the world is ready for the new/old me. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]12/25/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 244 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 7,320 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,708.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 44 [B]Hrs:[/B] 14 [B]Mins:[/B] 40 [B]Seconds:[/B] 40

Hi Blue Cloud I'm VERY proud of you. You've come a long way already and they all say it's gonna get better. It's not a bad thing to be reflecting on yourself...it's actually a very good thing. When we stop smoking it makes us see things differently and that's okay. Nobody said that stopping smoking was easy but it's sooooo worht it. I'm always trying to stay positive in my posts but lately i also have been going nuts at times. I can't count how many times i've said that i wanted a cigarette in the past few days. Going threw some stress lately and that's the way i used to try to calme myself down. I know better now and i need to talk to myself and tell myself that I'M A STRONG WOMEN AND I'M WORHT THIS FIGHT!!!!!!!! YOU are doing this Blue Cloud. It's a learning process and it's the BEST gift you will be giving yourself. Hang in there. Just think about all of us who are going threw the same or similar thing that you are. Remember...you're not alone in this fight, we are all here to support you :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/2/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 55 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 550 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $220.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 4 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 37 [B]Seconds:[/B] 26

Blue cloud, Continue to ponder. This is a journey and you'll figure out which parts of you have been hidden away by smoking. Hang in there. Know that we are right behind you. Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist

Blue cloud, you're doing absolutely wonderfully! I know Sundays are hard for you but even your Sunday posts are sounding more positive & hopeful! Smoking changed us in many way, I think, and when we quit, we see them all and it can be overwhelming and confusing. To me, it's a rare opportunity to choose how I will see the world and react to it. It's me making that choice without any junkie help & I just love that! That's why I sometimes call it a journey to myself, because I'm going to end up at the person I was meant to be! It's hard sometimes, yes, but we don't only do easy things, and we have each other. So happy Sunday, Blue Cloud. Be proud of yourself, be good to yourself, & keep doing what you're doing! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]5/13/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 105 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,100 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,155.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 10 [B]Hrs:[/B] 13 [B]Mins:[/B] 17 [B]Seconds:[/B] 5

To some extent I'm still dealing with that myself, Blue Cloud... but it's not like it was. It gets better. Just focus on today, do what you need to do in order to be successful today... and the rest will take care of itself! Have faith. It'll be alright! :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/6/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 173 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,325 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,600.25 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 27 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 42 [B]Seconds:[/B] 13

Blue Cloud, perhaps not smoking will change us all in ways we do not foresee. So far it's mostly just made me a nervous wreck. The depression and the "feeling down" are a trick being played on you by the junkie. See it for what it is and counter it however you can. You are stronger than the junkie and you've already proved it! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/17/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 9 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 216 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $37.80 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 52 [B]Seconds:[/B] 35

Hey BC! IT does get better! I fought off the blues many times. When I look back now at the smoking me, I can see it clearly. I was killing myself with cigarettes. They masked so much emotions, took away the ability to feel any joy or wonder, and made me an angry uptight person. I am now seeing and feeling the freedom from that horrible addiction that I didn't know existed. And what a joy it is to live each day now. Blue, Vitamin B complex helps get rid of those blues while your brain is still healing. :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/5/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 174 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 4,350 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,835.70 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 21 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 52 [B]Seconds:[/B] 24

Blue Cloud, just to let you know ive watched you here from day one and seen your struggles, You are doing great, you are very much in control of your quit, and iam looking forward to celebrating many of your smoke free Anniversaries. have a wonderful Sunday Blue cloud :):) Tresa [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]8/8/2002 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1844 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 36,880 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $6,454.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 260 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 20 [B]Seconds:[/B] 2

Hello to all my friends out in SSC land, Another Sunday for me. I was thinking before I even got out of bed this morning. Why do I continue to feel so down? I have managed to not smoke for 53 days. My brain receptors should be getting clearer. Learning to deal with emotion. Thinking I need someone else to depend on. Never having been alone in life to face daily problems. or just not liking myself very much for being in the situation I am in because of the choices I have made. These are all questions I am asking myself. This morning I had no thought of smoking when I got out of bed. Grant it I may have replaced that with the PC because I did turn it on before I brushed my teeth. I think the thought I would like to ponder this morning is just how much credit do we give smoking when it comes to causing us to make bad decisions? Does smoking lower your self esteme enough to cause you to accept less than the best? Does masking your feelings with nicotine every 20 or 30 minutes for years change your complete attitude as to what you really deserve? Does depending on something else to make you feel good lead to a feeling of not being able to take care of yourself? I am soul searching this week. I read some really good post that got me to thinking. I am an emotional person and always have been. I cry in the good part of the movie. Life has not been easy for me these last few years. I have made a lot of choices trying to please other people. I am not going to reach for a crutch when things are not all right. I am searching for the real me. Not the one hardend by problems beyond my control. Being told by you guys that it will get easier has given me the strength to continue. Not smoking threw major stressors this week has made me realize that it is better, I feel stronger at the end of this week. I also think I am starting to be able to forgive. Therefore I am becoming a more compassionate person. Not smoking has done all this for me. It is the only thing that has changed in my life. I know everything takes time. Life is a day to day journey. I already know I will be okay because I am not a smoker. Thanks for listening!! [color=blue]BLUE CLOUD[/color] [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/4/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 53 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,060 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $212.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 7 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 11 [B]Seconds:[/B] 44