Gr8 thread Bear :) For me to quit anything I really have to truly want it in my heart. Fear can also be a gr8 motivater. Fear of going to jail from dui's got me to thinking, lol & also I was sick & tired of living the way I was living.
As far as smoking goes, the fear of dying from a disease caused by the disease of addiction helps. And also the idea of throat cancer is not appealing to me nor is having a tube connected to my throat to breathe & talk out of, OR walking around with oxygen b/c I can't breathe on my own. There's plenty of fears that help to keep me motivated but despite the fears, if I don't want it in my heart & head, then it's just not gonna happen. Today I really want it. Even though my goal is to stay quit and remain a non-smoker till the day I die, I'm not going for the extreme all or nothing aproach to anything in my life anymore. I want balance & I usually find a way of getting what I want, lol. I believe that if I can have a healthy balance in the areas of my life that are important to "me", then I will also have a better balance in the "dealing with my feelings" part of me. My feelings are not me. Feelings come and go through us and are always temporary. But even though I know this to be a fact, I still have a very hard time (sometimes) dealing with certain feelings/emotions. I was not raised in an emotionally healthy enviornment. My Mother did her best but my "feelings/emotions" were not embraced. Therefore I grew up thinking that my feelings didn't matter and I had to take care of hers and others feelings in this life. So somethings are harder to learn to deal with & change than other things. And everybody's different b/c nobody see's life exactly the way another person does. But that's what makes life so interesting lol. We are all unique & we are all special :) And we deserve to be happy & live a long & healthy life. BUT we have to want it or it just won't happen. And sometimes b/c of different reasons and experiences something's don't come as easily to one and they do to another. If we all, including myself had more compassion & love to give & less fears & greed, I think the world would be a better place to live in.
Kiwi has mentioned a few times latey how discouraging this world can be. And we don't have to look hard or far to see what this world has come to. With the stupid war over greed & money and maybe some good reasons (although it makes no sense that we kill each other to save people from getting killed). I know that's not a topic for this room, lol. And I'm sure there's good & bad points as in everything.
However at times in my life I've been able to look through my eyes & see many beautiful things about life. Here in Colorado the sky is so close u can almost reach out and touch it! It's absolutly breath taking. Yesterday after the storm I pulled over into a church parking lot to take pic's of the rainbow. It was so bright and vibrant. It's times like that when I know in my heart that this world is the way we decide to look at it. It's like anything else, we all have a choice in how we choose to think. Our thinking determines how we view people places and things...life. Which is going to determine how successful our life will be in the areas of health, happiness & love. At least that's the way I SEE it :) That's why I'm striving for more balance in my life. B/c the extremes of being negative or positive can be very weighing on one's heart & health. I have found balance in some areas of my life & wow those areas feel really gr8 & serene. But boy I'd like to get a hold of more balance over my emotions. I already have came a looooong way in my 11yrs of sobriety. But I still have a long way I can go & will continue to go until I stop going, lol.
I'm just going and going and going & typing & typing & typing cuz I have to do something with my hands LOL and it keeps the junkie quiet when I'm thinking positive and sharing my experiences & life in hopes that in some way it might help someone like so many of u have helped me. We're all in this situation (quitting smoking) together. It's just a small thing in life that can make the big picture change in many ways and bring us more happiness. Smoking is only a symptom, it's the the problem. Our minds & the way we choose to see things and feel things are our/my problem. So until I really WANT to change my way of thinking and seeing things, it's not going to happen.
Today I'm doing gr8, seeing positively, feeling good about myself & I have hope :) For me hope is everything and to me hope and faith are one in the same.
The night before last I wasn't 'feeling" much hope or faith. I was seeing things negatively and felt very hopeless and even through praying, posting, calling my friends, crying, etc, nothing was pulling me up the hill. Sometimes our best isn't the same as the best of another person b/c we all are differnt but again SPECIAL :)
Ok, enough of this novel, lol. I wonder how many people were feeling a crave when they started to read this. I know that in the time it's taken me to type all this, I've had no craves since I started nor do I have one now. Life seems to orbit around "time" doesn't it? Time on our meters, appt. times, lifetime, bedtime, alarm times, morning time, afternoon time, dinner time, what the heck. Time, time, time. I guess I'm a rebel when it comes to time, lol, I'm late a lot.
We all do things "in our own time" :) Sometimes I think if there were no clocks or anyway to keep track of time, we all might be a little more relaxed. Not always in a hurry, speeding around like lunatic's (no offense Ms. Luna, lol, you seem to be very sane!) Not to change the subject like I seem to do so well but whenever I look at Luna's picture I see a very intelligent woman who appears to have peace within herself. It's always very comforting to me to look at her picture. Oh wow, ok I'm going to start a new thread about this! LOL.
See ya there :) LMAO
Just breathe.........
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/9/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 29
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 580
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $139.20
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 21 [B]Mins:[/B] 20 [B]Seconds:[/B] 55
-
Quit Meter
$27,510.00
Amount Saved
-
Quit Meter
Days: 602
Hours: 1
Minutes: 24
Seconds: 45
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
4585
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
91,700
Cigarettes Not Smoked