OK, I'm about to bare my soul here. Watch out! LOL! ;p
I can totally relate to what you're saying. And people telling you "oh, you're such a great person, yada yada yada" doesn't really help if you don't believe it yourself already. It just goes in one ear and out the other. I understand. So, I'm not going to do that.
Instead, I'm going to help you find the confidence and belief in yourself, because that's where this journey begins. But only you can do that. First, forgive yourself for everything in the past. You can't change the past - only learn from it and fix the mistakes you made before. The fact that you started smoking is irrelevant. Forgive yourself for that and then move on.
Quitting smoking builds your self-confidence more than anything I can think of. Seriously! I mean, if you can do THAT, then you can do ANYTHING!!! Right?! Quitting smoking for me has opened doors I never even thought were accessible to me. And it's all because I now believe in myself enough to make others believe in me too.
But right now, you're sort of stuck in a place where you don't have the self-confidence to quit smoking, so you can't gain the self-confidence that quitting brings. Tough spot to be in! But you know what they say, "act the way to want to be, and eventually, you will be the way you act."
So take that first step. You might not be able to believe in yourself enough to believe that you can quit forever... but how about for 5 minutes? ANYONE can quit for 5 minutes, right? So at the end of that 5 minutes, do it again. And again. Those minutes turn into hours, which turn into days, which turn into months... and eventually, you're sitting at over 2 years going "Did I really do that? ME?!?!" I want you to get here too.
Crave the Quit!
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]6/17/2005
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 755
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 18,875
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $3,118.15
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 53 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 34 [B]Seconds:[/B] 28