Hello Friends:
For to many years I have been emotionally attached to the world by an umbilical chord of thin blue smoke. This journey has caused me to take a look at why I allowed myself to develop such a sad relationship with the world. This has actually been useful to me in stopping, because I need to understand the whole of it in order to change the pieces around.
Smoking has been a part of me for a long long time. And make no mistake; I have been its willing companion. An amazing magician is this substance.
When I was hurt it told me everything would be alright as long as I didn't actually feel the pain.
And I believed it.
And I never learned to grieve.
When I got angry it told me everything would be alright as long as I didn't defend myself.
And I believed it.
And I never learned to communicate.
When I was afraid, it told me everything would be alright as long as I never tasted the fear.
And I believed it.
And I never learned to cope.
When I was happy, it convinced me it was my friend as long as I took it to the party.
And I believed it.
And I never felt total joy.
So here we are now or should I say here I am, the smoke is becoming a distant memory. However, it has left me with a great deal of learning to do. Each day is a challenge, as I am finally learning how to deal with the fire of my emotions without first dulling them on nicotine�s anvil.
I feel very self conscious, hoping that my verbiage is not taken as an attack, praying that I can be accepting of others ways without the perception of rejection, remaining within myself without causing others pain or embarrassment. I am having to watch myself very closely. Perhaps in the end this is what this journey is all about. I know I am meeting myself for the first time in a long time and it is a bit akward. I really do like who I am; I just need to be sure that the world is ready for the new/old me.
I hope you are all well this evening. My heart goes out to each and every one of you as you go through this. It truly is worth the walk. I would like to meet each and every one of you in the land of the ex-smoker one of these fine days.
Nonic
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/25/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 40
[B]Cigarettes Not Smok