Hello Freebird!
My depression, well now that I look back, was one of the worst thing I have ever been through. I went back to the docs yesterday, and like I said before, I was terrified that she would not keep on the meds. I was so fearful of going back into my depression, that I stressed out hard!!
At my appt, I made sure I told my doc that. She agreed that mine was clinical depression, and I needed to be on meds for a while. I have a prescription for 10 months. So that eased my mind so much!!
I did want to add that what I felt while in my depression, well, it kept getting worse. I too believe that mine was a life long thing, that was masked by smoking. I had this horrible ache in my chest, like my heart was breaking. I longed for something (no clue what that something was). There was some sort of void that I felt. I slept, cried, and was out of control in my emotions. Up and down (yelling to crying). I could not feel joy. I looked at my daughters, and felt nothing. That made me feel even worse. I wanted to just go away......... And I would have, if I had not seen my doc. I felt guilty for my hubby to have to deal with me. I didn't want him to be around me. I felt like a horrible wife. I lived in a black cloud, and went further darker with each and every sad, depressing thought. I was a complete mess!!
I am now entering my 4th week on meds, and let me tell you ~ I AM BACK!!! I see light, not darkness!! I can laugh, cry, giggle, and best of all, I can look at my daughters and feel love..... The aching in my heart finally went away. I explained it to my doc that without feeling love, I was hurting. Now I can feel love, and the hurt is gone. Sounds childish, but it is true.
Take care of yourself! And let us know how your appointment went.
;) 4my2girls
[b][i][color=Maroon]What Consumes Your Thoughts Controls Your Life[/b][/i][/color]
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/5/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 227
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 6,826
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $742.29
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 18 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 25 [B]Seconds:[/B] 28