This is my 4th day without smoking since I smoked that pack in California. I don�t miss it, but find it interesting when my addict self is thinking/reasoning with the me in control self. The conversation is always the same and really stupid.
The reason I want to be a �social smoker� is because I miss smoking with other people that smoke. I miss sneaking off somewhere to have a smoke and the conversations that otherwise would not happen. I like the sensation of that first cigarette after I haven�t had one in a long time. I like the feeling of just letting down and not giving a sh� about anything.
Tonight I wanted to go meet a friend I haven�t seen in months at a Tavern in town and then remembered that he smokes and turned around and came here to this support group. I realized that I�m not that much in control that I trust myself to be in a bar where people smoke right now. I don�t like it. I hate that I can�t do what I want to do in fear of smoking.
The reason I don�t smoke all the time is obvious, I don�t want to be an addict, I don�t want to smell, be controlled by cigarettes, don�t want to spend my money that way and I want to be healthy. Cigarettes get in the way of the life style I want to live.
I know I sound like I�m contradicting myself and that�s because I am. I think there are a few personalities residing in this one body and I�m trying to make peace with them. I know I�m an addict and perhaps I�ll be able to give it up once and for all, I just don�t know. All I know right now is that I�m not a smoker, I�m an ex-smoker that might smoke again when I travel.
I understand very well what all of you are saying and I know you are right, it�s just damned hard to accept it. Thank you all for your posts, I really appreciate them.
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Quit Meter
$50,940.50
Amount Saved
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Quit Meter
Days: 744
Hours: 0
Minutes: 36
Seconds: 56
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
5993
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
119,860
Cigarettes Not Smoked
