Ok, I know why I'm quitting, I'm scared of death, I don't know if this is the right reason, but for now it's what keeping me afloat.
Before I get into my story, as a TRUE addict (WHOLE different Forum), I've made two observations in the last two weeks. First one is, Nicotine is harder to quit that anything else for me, that includes Heroin (not something I wanted to admit, but fresh starts require clean slates). I don't know if it is because of the frequency of my habit or the whole 'oral fixation' thing. The second thing I've noticed, my anxiety is through the roof. To the point of thinking that, 'why am I quitting? I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and it would all be worthless'. Now that is addict mentality. Ok, now here is my story, bear with me, it's been a long few days.
First of all, I can't thank everyone enough for your support. It means a lot to me and helps a great deal.
I was with some friends the other night, who also happen to be roommates and smokers. I pay 4/5 of the rent between 3 people and have recently asked the other two to smoke on the porch either when I'm home or not. First they thought I was 'weak' for quitting cigs but I quickly put them in their place and let them know where I stood.
I've been under a great deal of stress from both quitting the smoking and health concerns that are related (Dark flecked cough) that I can't stop obsessing over. Hopefully it's in my head; I'm seeing a Doctor on Monday.
Now, Sunday I came home from work to a smoke filled apartment, I was already in a bad mood but handled it well and said, "This is essentially my apartment, you can do what you wish, your life is your business, but don't smoke in here; I won't tolerate it". They both laughed me off. The next day, Monday, I came home to the same thing, this time they denied it. I told them I wasn't an idiot and that was their last warning, and went to my room.
Today, I came home (VERY bad day at work) and saw them both mid-smoke, without even an open window or screen-door cracked (which to me said, "F@!&* you"). I grabbed my roommate who was closest to me and threw him against the wall; opened the apartment door and, literally, threw him out. My other roommate stood up and had the nerve to say 'What's your F@$&! Problem
