Hello my wonderful smoke free friends,
I just don't know how I did it. I don't understand what is going on with me!!:mad: I wanted to smoke so bad! I ached like the junkie I am. I'm glad I have some kind of self diginity because I didn't go beg someone for a cig. I would think in my mind how demeaning that would be. Oh, this was aweful!! I stayed away from the smokers and poor hubby and I had lots of fights these past few days. I am so exhausted. I hate this. I do not understand why I had such a hard time. When hubby & I were at the store of course they have the packs of smokes right at the check out line. I prayed and swiftly turned my body around not to look at them and my mind saying, no,no,no, don't do it. The junkie inside me is saying yes,yes,yes, just one won't hurt, you'll feel better. My thoughts then went to how I did feel when I smoked and I know darn well I didn't feel better. God, how I wish we had a shut off switch in our brain. I don't understand these emontions. I must admit I was relieved today that I didn't give in to that demon, that addiction, that killer. My hats' off to all that kicked this drug and stayed off. I want to be just like you. What a fight, I'm gonna win though I have too!! I want too!! I hate what this addiction has done to me, done to my relationship with the hubby, etc... I wish they would tax the crap out of cigs so people would finally say enough of this I stop and then our children would not smoke. I dread to see how one day they will fight to get off of this garbage. By then I wonder what other chemicals will the cig companies add into the cig? In the meantime I have not smoked and it's a fight at times every minute, second, hour, or a day but this fight i will win!!
I Wanted to check in and let my friends know how i'm doing. Hope I haven't disappointed you all by admitting how difficult this is for me but one thing I will not lie!! My brain has been through such a strain these past few days I'm going to lay down for a bit and coming back later to do some reading and maybe write you all some more.. I'm lonely too. I'm so happy that I have you all now because if I didn't I know I would be back to smoking for sure!
Thanks again for letting me vent. Hope to talk to you later...
babs
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My