I'm up against the same thing myself.
I've told my husband for months that I was going to quit smoking and would like him to quit smoking with me. He'd like to also. We joined a 12-step program and quit drinking two weeks apart and have been able to support each other beautifully. It has really brought us closer together.
I've attempted quits several times, but couldn't make it through the withdrawls. Smelling smoke drove me nuts and that's some of the reason I was hoping he'd quit w/ me. Just before I quit I let him know this and he said not to blame him for the inability to quit. Bottom line: He was right.
So I quit and he has not. I knew that there would come a point in my cig recovery (NRT step down and completion)that I would have to back away from him (but let him know I still am "here" the best way I can when he doesn't reek like smoke). So last night he came in from outside smelling of smoke and I began breathing through my mouth. He asked why and I told him. He got defensive and said, "I know, here we go again, I stink, right?". I know in my heart of hearts that this came from his addiction and not from who he really is. I said to him, "Would it have helped your program early on to spend time around someone who smelled like beer? You don't stink, the problem is that I like that smell." I know he knew exactly what I mean.
We love each other dearly and this won't change it. Right now I have to be willing to do whatever it takes to stay smoke free. Yes, he feels threatened (he has never attepmted a smoke quit before - in 30+ years smoking Luckys), so he is going to feel discarded for a while. I do, however, need to do my best to let him know that my love for him still exists - when he doesn't "stink".
His own addiction will get nasty with me. It's driving a wedge between us. But everything will be OK. Today I will be smoke free and today is all that matters.
gpw
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/14/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 7
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 112
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $28
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 16 [B]Mins:[/B] 35 [B]Seconds:[/B] 54
