So I haven't smoked for somewhere in the 3-week area. I don't want to count days because to me, that's like setting yourself up for a relapse (that's just me though). I had an appointment with a pulmonologist today and after an extremely agonizing week, maybe the longest of my life; the appointment finally arrived. Disaster. I don't know what I expected him to say to me but he just ordered some tests and moved on. I panicked. I freaked out. I even cried (this is NOT me). I don't know what I expected him to say but it obviously wasn't what I'd hoped for. Now I need to do a sputum culture and a CAT-scan. And as an addict (I'm sure you can all relate) I want answers and I want them NOW. I spent the entire week thinking about this appointment and now it feels like I'm right back where I started. I don't feel like I'm in danger of smoking again, I CAN'T put myself through this again, but now what? I wish God would just separate the clouds, look down on me and say 'don't worry, I'll fix everything'. I guess we all wish that though. So now I get to wait, and wait�for what? I�m so confused. I don�t want to smoke anymore but I don�t want to do �this� either. Ugh. That�s how I feel, just, ugh. I think about cancer and dying so much it has consumed my entire being. I don�t want to work or go to school or do anything else because I am convinced I�m sick and everything I do isn�t worth a damn in the larger picture. Who wants to take a Marketing Exam if you think you�re going to be dead in a year? I don�t know what I expect people to say to this, but so far everything someone has said, I�ve been able to take something from it. So thanks for listening and on one final note; I in no way think that my problems are �bigger� or more important than anyone else�s. I know there are people out there who have it way worse than me, I both respect and pray for those people. I�m just expressing my feelings. Thanks again.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/12/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 22
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 458
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $110
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 4 [B]Mins:[/B] 56 [B]Seconds:[/B] 8
