I am a twenty-something-year-old college student and I have the mentally of basically a thirteen-year-old, or so I’ve been told. I am in legal studies, so basically my life is numbers because Law is basically all numbers (Adjustments, claims, mergers, acquisitions). A little tidbit about me is that tend to ramble. I ramble a lot. It’s kind of annoying, but it’s me.

Many years ago, when I was still learning about the dangers of the world, I was out late one night with one of my best friends and we were attacked by three men. Not your run of the mill “hey, you look like a ***** so I am going to curse at you until you cry” sort of verbal attack, but rather, a full on harmful assault that left me not only physically wounded, but mentally scared with a side arm crippling anxiety. My friend was commanded to take her top off and she had her leg bashed with a baseball bat, but I got it much worse for trying to intervene with what was happening to her. I was beaten for a full ten minutes back and forth between three men with a baseball bat and a knife and sexually assaulted. Not that I didn’t already have that problem of anxiety somewhat, but it made it much worse. I have a hard time with trusting anyone, especially the opposite sex. 

Since then, life has been full of ups and downs. I have gained many things, but I’ve also had great losses… many great losses that have probably messed me up in someways that I choose not to recognize most days.  

Oh. I’ve also been in love… twice. Like real, core-shattering love. Not that sort of teen dreamboat, everything works out-type of love like you see on TV, but the type that adults keep behind closed doors. At least it felt that way for me. I could never speak for either one, but all I can say is that I am pretty sure all three of us won’t be writing each other Christmas cards anytime in the future. I don’t hate them. Frankly, I don’t blame them for wanting to go. It just hurts still… I am currently alone. Single. Completely and utterly on my own. Not that I have a problem with it really, it is just very strange. I have not been alone like this since I was about fourteen… That’s a pretty long time looking back at it. Not being truly single for a course of over ten years. I think the weird part is that mostly it doesn’t really feel much different than before.They both aren’t my favourite subjects, but they cross my mind quite frequently. It is kind of hard to not think about someone when they basically became the center of your universe for the longest time.

Anyways, that’s enough. I wasn’t supposed to blubber on, but I did obviously. 

Good night.

Ax