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Core Belief Number One


13 years ago 0 3 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
As ~m said: "One thing I've noticed is that what I think is a core belief ... is not really a core belief but a collection of thoughts I have based on a deeper core belief." I find that when Ive come up with a "realization" there is actually more to it. Like all this time I thought I never tried anything because, besides my defeatist attitude, I thought I was scared how other people would view me. How stupid I would look if I messed up, and true that is one small part of it but the kther day I finally realized it was really what I would think of myself.
 
To me, you need to do some more digging. It sounds like you are sick of trying to please other people and want yourself to be truely happy. Ask yourself why you really went with the career idea instead of the homemaker route. Were you trying to please someone else? In the end the real question is what do you REALLY wanna do? what would make your truely happy? Once you have that answer ask, why not do it? Whats really stopping you?
 
I had some real one on one time with myself just recently and had a lot of self reflection going on. I will say that it has made me decide what I want to do with my life. Or at least which direction to go. I find I am my own worst critic, and I hold myself back a lot. Why hold yourself back from what you really want?  Live the life you want, not what you think you should have.
13 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Ashley... your post reminds me of the KISS acronym... "Keep it simple s...".  so often I do trip myself up by making things way more complicated than they need to be.   Sometimes, a simple pro and con list can help tremendously.  They are always both present with any decision to be made.  How much pro do we need to counter the con?..... ah, life.... such a challenge.  Keep posting Rowsie... it helps to walk it through and get feedback.  The ultimate decision is yours, of course, but it helps to write out the conflict as you wend your way through the decision making process.  We do care and are here to listen.
13 years ago 0 11226 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Rowsie,
 
This is a tricky one I  have heard quite a few individuals discussing this. If you put a lot of stock in what other people think it can be really challenging to find happiness.  It sounds clear to me that you value your family and want to stay home and take care of them. A few questions might help you wrap your head around this issue some more.  What is it costing you if you make this choice? What is it costing you if you don't make the choice to stay home?  What do you know to be true about this situation?

Ashley, Health Educator
13 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
OK... I'm no expert on this core belief stuff... I'm still struggling to understand.  One thing I've noticed is that what I think is a core belief ... is not really a core belief but a collection of thoughts I have based on a deeper core belief.  This is hard to explain and I hope the heath educators will step in clarify or correct as needed.  It's just that as I read of your confusion with the conflicting beliefs.... I just get the sense that the true core belief is underneath the confusion... it goes deeper... it is causing the mixed feelings.

For example... I thought one of my core beliefs was that everyone else deserved to have their needs met by me... their problems fixed by me...that everyone else was more important than me and my role was to support them.  So I questioned...Why?  Why did I believe that to be true? Going deeper....  I discovered ... a belief that I was the cause, the originator of their pain... I found a lot of shame... and who knows what else will show up :/ Like you said in another post... the fear of what I would find was way worse than just doing the finding  although neither is much fun... the finding can bring freedom.

Anyway... I hope you will keep posting what you are discovering for yourself.  Every bit of experience and information is helpful to the rest of us.  Sigh.  What a journey!

13 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I found a core belief for myself on Saturday.
 
I am from a generation of women who were taught from birth, by society, that you had to have a career outside the home. I was raised thinking that I had to go to post secondary school, find a career and do it well. It was no longer socially acceptable to be a homemaker. "You want to stay at home with your kids? You must not be smart enough to do any real work."
 
I assume people will look down on me if I choose to stay at home with my children. I feel as if they will think I am lazy and can't do anything. I believe, unfortunately, that I should be a supermom. I should be able to work full time, take care of my house, my children and my husband. I should be able to come home from a busy day at work, take the kids to soccer, bake cookies for a bake sale, clean the house, help the kids with their homework and then still have time and energy for my husband. Well, that's a bit unrealistic. I give props to anyone who can actually do this but experience has taught me that at least one or two things are going to slip leading that lifestyle.
 
So the question now becomes: Do I have what it takes to change this belief? And now that I know it's there, how exactly do I do that? Do I quit my job and take on the only job I've ever truely wanted, wife and mother? Do I have the nerve to stand up tp society and say, "You are wrong! Being a stay at home mom is the most important job in the world. Teaching children to grow up into worthwhile human beings is something more of us should be entitled to do. If mothers want to stay home, it's not because they can't do anything else. No, it's because they are choosing a career path that will help society in the long run for more than running a company. Stay at home moms should be praised!"
 
Funny thing is, this is actually a core belief of mine as well. Conflicting core beliefs about the same issue are causing me a lot of guilt both ways.
 
Rowsie

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