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Thinking others don't like you...

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

hi all,

I had all the same thoughts (I still do but stop the ox cart most times) concerning my self image. I was taught by my bipolar father that I was as mentally retarded as my mother (a true mental deficiency) and as I did bad thing these progessed my state... So of course by the time I was a teen I was messed up! I even inherited my father's disorder (bipolar) and a bunch of other anxiety tag-alongs...

To protect myself in the past, I had to shut down. I had several major depressions and pushed everyone away. The last one, I could not stand to have people around; their emotions were too much to handle. To tell the truth anything with an emotional conotation was too much sometimes; TV, Music, magasines... I became agrophobic. I got to the point I could not leave the house... I could barely face my husband and young children. But I leaned a lot and got a proper diagnosis, medications, & help.

I had to learn that my ox cart is as it is. It is not Usher's Porsha. If you see me on the street, I will not be mistaken for Jesica Alba. I might be someone's large eastern european aunt, that's all. My kids love me. Today my husband kissed me good-bye and hoped I had a good-day.

If tomorrow will start a depressive episode I will shuve the ox cart to psy-doc office and stop what-ever thoughts I can... I will not return to my teenage room and listen to all the bull-manure my father shuveled. I am 38 yrs old and have a garden that is furtile enough now...

I have had months and months of nice days and a few nights of tears. It seems to be hormornal-cyclical now. So the psy-doc has no solution but to leave me to my own devices and the psychologist. I change the worst of the ideas with various meditations... and hope the meds do the rest.

oups got to get back to work, lunch is over.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Hi Ya Samantha:

Thanks for your reply, in short I haven't got a clue. You see even if there was only one other person in the world I would still feel self-conscious.

I was on the subway today and just wanted to run, then I thought well look at people & see if they are looking at you and they weren't but did that make me feel any better - no.

You see this all started with my the work placement I am currently in, they have had a couple of pot lucks at the office but I was never invited. I was very angry and felt I wasn't good enough, oh I know they didn't all get together and say don't invite her. But it still hurts. I started going down from there thinking I can't deal with the office politics and I'll never be able to get back to work. It seems these days I am very angry and very self-conscious.

I told my psychotherapist I feel as if someone blew on me I would fall to pieces. I was doing so well and now.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2606

Hi Caden,

It is great to hear that you are working on making a small change. Good on ya for reading through the session on shyness and sensitivity. Work the sessions that seem beneficial to you and take what you can from each of them.

How will you begin working on changing your maladaptive behaviours?

Samantha, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

Hi Ya :

Whew & here I thought I was the only one who felt this way, what a relief to know I'm not alone.

Everyday I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb because I feel so self-conscious, I feel so worthless compared to other people. Especially people who are employed, since I haven't been able to work for 3 years due to my emotional roller coaster.

It's really beginning to get me down, which is why I have started reading session 15 on shyness and sensitivity.

I am really feeling drained of energy because I put so much into worrying what other people think of me that I don't pay any attention to what I'm really doing to myself thinking this way. Easier said than done.

Having said that I know I cannot continue to live like this it's what my therapist & I discussed today - maladaptive behaviors. I know it doesn't work but continue to react the same way, change seems insurmountable , but I know I have to work towards some small change for now.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 31

I'll chip in and say I feel this way a lot, as well. And, along with what Breezin mentioned, depression can make it a lot worse with negative thinking and/or anxiety, even. Like maybe temporary uncertain thoughts I'd normally have just keep picking at me, until I just want to crumble in on myself. I've noticed this especially today, with classmates talking to me. I actually find it troubling sometimes! I feel like that even if someone does show some positive reactions toward me, it doesn't matter because they're eventually going to find things about me they don't like, and then they won't like me anymore. I just want them to go away so I won't have to face that rejection. Also, I feel like it could be related to maybe I don't feel that great about myself right now, so I don't see why anyone else should like me.

I've certainly never been without this to some extent, especially in recent years. And I've always had social anxiety or inhibitions, even when I was very young. So I'm not sure it can be cured, or if that's just a personality trait. I'm sure it depends.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

Rebbie, I like the cue card ideas...I might have to take you up on taht one and give it a try for myself. And it is so true that my mood also affects how I perceive things...Sometimes I catch these thoughts before they creep up and just dismiss them right away, sometimes I even have to say outloud...no I'm not having this thought right now, and move on to doing something else. It works for now...

Kat

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 121

Noori:

Everything you wrote could have been written by me. I feel exactly the way you do. These negative or inferior feelings are so automatic, I wonder sometimes if I'll ever be able to react and feel the way a "normal" person does. I get tired of having to "work" through these negative feelings to resolve them and realize they're negative because of the way I think about them. I have several index cards at work, home and in my purse that say, "It's NOT the Situation - It's how you THINK about the Situation." I still struggle everyday with this.

Has anyone out there ever gotten completely "cured" from this?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

I completely relate with this thread! I have ALWAYS had those doubts that others actually don't like me, so then I withdraw and pretty much cause my own thoughts to come true because I avoid contact and pull away to the point that they stop trying to be friends.

Some people close to me have recently mentioned that they are starting to realize that I am almost hyper-sensitive and pick up on every little negative body posture/tone/glance etc and respond to these signals that most people ignore and as a result, I have a distorted perception of the situation. This doesn't happen when I'm feeling confident because I'm able to dismiss the little signals as "not relating to me" and move on. Has anyone else experienced that?

I also tend to interpret anyone's bad mood as "they're mad at me".... not great because once again i withdraw when that person needs me the most....

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 194

I like this thread. I can really relate. I have been dealing with these feelings forever!

I caught on to what Luciana was saying as I have read some Byron Katie stuff, and it's so true. What I found with me is when "I" don't like me, I don't think others do either. Having negative feelings of myself takes away my self confidence.

Doesn't it seem as though our self confidence is a basis of how we think others feel about us? It's not really about them, it's about us. It's how we feel about ourselves. When we are feeling good and confident, we really don't care what others think, because we are in the moment of feeling good.

Lately, I notice this more and more. I've been keeping my eye on the prize and working hard for it. We really can feel good about ourselves. It's not easy, but what is, thats worth it?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 217

Ya I second the Right on Deb! Well put!

Embrace the uniqueness!

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