hi gang...
lets see how I survived this december ...
early december I felt I was having trouble with something ... I think it was stress and jealousy and a problem with controling the Intensity of the emotion so I called my psychologisted and made a quick stop with her! That helped. It remined me that emotions are still my weak point and i need to bite my tongue! I will over react because i never learned to react I learned to repress!
I knew that I was headed towards a tough time so I set myself up for it. I prepare my gifts in advance, I have my visiting schedual set-up, and I talked to my self... I told myself that this year the holidays were about rest. It was not about the festivites and the parties. It was not about exploring and learning. It was about consolodating all the advances i made since the summer and Hyberating. I have a lot of healing to do still, I am way too reactive. Stress lights me like those sparkling candles and I remain Hot for too long afterwards... where I should be I florecent light bulb (or at least an incandecent
) .
So I listened to what my body and my mind were telling me... The house is an absolute dump! because I did no house work. I was going early and taking a 20 min lunch nap. It was a better way of recharging and was okay for my compulsive eating. I realised I was eating to not feel the acid ! All these years I have been stuffing myself inorder to ignore the burning in my stomach and throat! And the fast food kept me regular during these times ... funny how the good - normal food has me constipated and is giving me a killing pain in the back. I emptied the junk from my desk - no more 500 calorie snacks
of sugar-carbs like chocolate chip cookies and biscotties. I even emptied the hidden change from the car - so that I could not buy junk... so I wanted to stop at McDo EVERY nite for food for the traffic. I did stuff myself on good stuff at home. I gained 5 pounds... no helping that! but much of the craving I resisted.
I listened to the need for rest. I napped. I went to bed even when not tired and read a book, played with my angle and goddess tarots, i did sudoku. I let the muscles of my body go and I did not think work. I did not do the computer and TV obsession things. I did not listen to music and sounds only the breathing of the kids and the husband and the cat. I dressed comfortably, in layers. I made sure to be prepared for the cool of the office in the morning and the warmth of the office in the afternoon. I had lots of pretty scarves for my sore throat and salt & water gargle and the essential oil from the accupuncturist! I did take the sleep meds on Fridays so as to have some good sleep once in a while with nothing left on the Monday.
I pushed the past away. All those horrible holidays of fights and nasty words ... I left them where they occured. None of those people exist anymore. Me and my cousins have grown. My grandparents and my father and uncle are dead. My aunt has a new friend in her life. And we all have wonderful spouses and children now. Life is completely different and there is no way to relive those past days. So there is no way to ruin anyone's holidays. I even spoke to my older cousin about depression at christmas dinner. He was worried about sounding like those Mon-Oncles that ruined the mood once upon a time. I expl
eating and sleeping - 2 out of the 3 greatest pleasures.....i've been meaning to ask you about the beading, how do you get started, should i buy a kit at michaels or some craft store? sounds like fun and if turned out ok could make great gifts for next year! 
but it sure does make the day seem shorter 
. 
so maybe that will be best .
and I will settle for drug induced coma for two nights 
