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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

hi Julie,

maybe he feels the stuff on TV is ALL fiction. Somepeople have trouble making a connection with what is on TV (my neanderthal is like that

) . I am not sure if it is the non-verbal cues that is missing. Or if it has to do with the way that they view the media. But it is as though everything is set up and acted out, even thenews could be a fictional account.

Take todays top story about the horrors in India! I felt exposded and unsafe listening how Non-Indian people were rounded up and being held. And my Cave-Man grunted at my feeling and went on the computer to watch the wrestling we do not get in our area!

And Cro-magnon did not even budge to being one sick kiddie to the doctor! so I am upset.

So Julie,

Is your husband one to try to avoid emotional situations because he really has absolutely no idea what is expect and what to do ? And when confronted with situations that does not have to deal with he happily runs away or brushes them off... like my chimp? Or if the situation is in the past, he knows there is nothing left for him to do so he easily leaves it neatly buried in a chest at the back of the attic?

Still in this day and age we teach out little girls to hold and hug their dolls. To care and talk to each other and we bring them to visit other female family members - for tea. The boys have their activities - go out to play and big boys don't cry ... sort the fight over the ball out yourselves... and all such nonsence. So we do not really tell boys what a feeling is. Why is it there and how to release it. We do not show girls that being physical and releasing the emotional energy in a physical activity can be stimulating; refreshing. Not all Families hold so Tightly to the gender differences but it creeps in! So as we run into trouble as adults we hae a slow long learning process to put ourselves through and it feels like a punishment!

(neanderthal here will agree to it).

Julie,

Stoping time and removing yourself to deal with everything does not always help. It seems like life just piles more of the little day-to-day stuff while we were not looking. One of the gang, has their posts end with "one day at a time" probably this works in most cases. But it is nice to hide under the blankets for a week-end and not come out except for a cup of hot tea!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Members,

Do you have any tips or advice for Julie regarding her appointment?

What have your experiences been like?

Hang in there Julie!

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hiya Julie,

Congratulations on another success and importnat step in your recovery! Woohoo!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

Hi,

Well I made an appointment for monday and already feel nervous, how do I start talking, kinda hoping the place is quiet and I click with the other person, but I might not. Gonna be positive, and take my time, the place where I am going isn't a place of counselors, doctors or anything so I am hoping that the talking thing works.

Sheba, kind of got what you are saying, I understand that my husband was feeling helpless that he wouldn't be able to do anything for me at the time of my sisters death and that if I could be strong he wouldn't have to deal with a reck. Having said that he shows no sympathy for the 'sob' stories on TV and he does speak pretty harsh on some topics so I really don't think that he would be able to cope, nor I cope with the situation. I feel that if I tell him then that would be it for me, I would sink. I think I need help outside of family, outside of work it's just a shame I couldn't go away for a spell and sort myself out but unless I can stop time this won't happen.

I do feel that I will get there just take me longer than conventional methods and who knows come monday I may feel more positive.

Keep you posted.

Julie

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 64

Hi julie!

I don't know if I'm wrong but I spent some years trying to hide all emotions. The rolling eyes thing and so on... So I tend to believe that your husband does this too.

Anyway one day or another you should talk with him and just say this is the situation now it's up to you if you want to help or just run.

And remember you deserve to take care of yourself!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

Hi, Diva, Wildcat and Rose306,

Just want to thanks you for those tips will be trying to delete my footprints on the web later and to be fair to him he just keeps using my computer in front of the TV but sometimes my history on google page comes up when the return button is pressed.

This is the part my husband would roll his eyes, some sad pathetic story about a girl who had issues in her teen years, sister that tried several times to take her own life before succeeding 10 years ago aged 19 with parents who blame her. It's not like I don't have a loving family I do and I know how much my mum hurt after my sister died and that we can go to her with anything but at the same time shes too close. ( I mean this in the sense that she blames me, never said this to my face directly but to my other sister). It's funny really I would do anything for anybody, go out of my way be a shoulder to cry on but yet I don't really have that person for me ( now my husbands eyes would be stuck in the back of his head). In work I have good friends and some know about my sister and my mum but I tell it matter of fact. Recently I told my friend that I've put weight on because I'm depressed and her reply was I was just saying how happy you've been lately, you've not been depressed. Told her I've been up and down. Just tonight in work told my other friend that I am up to the ceiling, partly to do with past issues, some to do with work and some to do with an assignment which I have not started, nor want to, no energy, brain matter, every time I think about it if I don't cry I want to, I feel myself going under. Yet monday didn't feel too bad made an appointment to see teacher but as soon as made the appointment broke down on the phone now feel slight embarrassment, but will still go. My teacher is nice but the problem is I know I will break down again and he shares a room so not very private really could do with own room. Also teacher was mental health nurse/tutor might just tell him how much this assignment is getting me down and see if I could repeat it ( although I would have to pay for it all over again).

Sort of got off the point but I WILL make that appointment for next week I will phone up today when I get up from my night shift.

Thanks again - keep you posted.

Julie

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

sorry julie, kiddie emergency.

my little one wanted to apologise for the tantrum and the horrible things she said to me in the ride home

As I was saying. I think that as the person with an illness we are responsible for looking for treatment. Therefore, we also have the choice who we want to support us. And not everyone is equiped to support a depressed person. As you have seen with your husband, it takes a certain amount of care and sympathy and even some distance from our turmoil to be with us. ( In my case I need someone who can recognise when I am beyond reason and need help... and my husband cannot see that! he sees only the strong woman he loves since forever

. )

Julie,

I firmly believe that if you choose to seek help and do not want to discuss your choices with your husband you are entitled to that! However, I do know that you have an illness that you might need help with form time to time so you will need to have some sort of support in place. Do you have other family members that you can depend on?

Oh by the way, there will always be the gang here if you need to chat and vent the nasties.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Julie.

If you are not comfortable asking support from your husband then you are not forced to do it! You are not obliged to advise your neighbours when you intend to cut your lawn, it is hard to keep it a secret but you do what you have to and they have nothing to say!

Your illness. Your health.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

julie, for one thing go to documents/settings - adminstrator and delete all the cookies. i'm gonna say it, cause i have a big mouth - he has no business going thru your stuff without your permission. delete all the transfers. when my grandpa died, my first husband said, what did you expect - he was old. i wonder if they realize how cruel they sound. i never told him how much that had hurt me, what a stupid thing it was to say, i wish i had. tell him what you just told us - that sometimes he has no compassion and take it from there. i would be p*ssed if i were in your shoes right now, make and keep that appt, you need something positive

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Julie!

I would love to help you with the hiding the web stuff but I know very little about computer. You can go into Tools-Internet options and delete your history. You can also click the little arrow next to your google bar and see what the google search history is. sometimes there is a little blue link that says erase history. That jhelps you erase the google history too. that is all I know. Beyond that this is all a mystery to me. I do think getting your husband's support would be great but hey, if he is not compassionate and telling him will do more harm then good then I agree you should take care of yourself as best you can. Please do seek help and support though!

As for making another step towards getting some help, woohoo! Congratulations! You go girl! I am super happy to see you are making progress on this. This is great. Keep on going, you are doing great!

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