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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

Hi,

Made some progress, actually rung round a few places looking for free centres to go were I can be just julie, nothing found yet except the Samaritans which I hope I can make the call this week and make an appointment for next week.

With regards to my husband, I know that he would be upset in keeping this from him but he just doesn't understand. On my lap top he found in the search history 'Samaritans' as said why you looking at this are you going to commit suicide. But the way he said it so well I just can't explain it, he never has been great at the emotional stuff. When my sister died he said oh I hope I'm not going to get days of you crying. I mean why say that to someone who had just lost their sister but then get shirty with me for telling his dad to shut up ( he was going on about something that really did not matter). When ever he hears stories on the TV about in the childhood etc he rolls his eyes and says here we go - he has no compassion at times but I love him so much.

So now I am asking if anyone knows how to stop my husband from seeing which sites I have visited. At the moment I go to history and delete were I have been which I thought would work, the only other way is when you type in on googles homepage sometimes if you just press return a list will come up - how do you stop this?

Going back to making that appointment I'm sure I will you guys give me so much support and encouragement and it's nice that I can browse the discussions and find comfort. When I attend I am not going to waste it but I expect that It will take me a while to feel comfortable talking face to face. I am sure that this will help a great deal and who knows one day I may tell my husband it is something to work towards but for now I just need to think about me is that so bad.

I will keep you posted on whe I have made my appointment - thanks for all your help.

julie

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Julie,

I do agree you should share this with people. There is no shame and support helps so much. That said I want to congratulate you on taking the first steps to get better. That is major, way to go! Keep at it! It does get better!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi Julie,

You took the first step by making some phone calls even though you could not follow through - but at least you made the first move and that is progress.

Rose306 made many valid points and her candidness and honest approach are certainly appreciated here............perhaps you may want to consider her suggestions. Secrets can get ugly and your husband may feel hurt by your decision not to confide and trust in him. You do need his support and hopefully he will help you through this.

Do consider speaking to a doctor who can prescribe antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications and discuss your concerns with the doctor.

Keep us posted and good luck,

Faryal, Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

julie, hi again, are in in england? do you have insurance or the means to see a psychiatrist just one on one? even an md can prescribe antidepressants or antianxiety pills. you need the help. you can't / shouldn't try to keep this secret from anyone. secrets have a way of oozing out at unexpected times. expecially your husband, you need his support, level with him. you have nothing to be embarassed about. it's an illness, one you didn't ask for, but have to deal with. when and if you see someone or are in a group situation, don't be afraid. keep your expectations low - lol - i try to in every situation. but be assured that they are probably just like you, feel like you do, are just as scared and apprehensive as you are. time's up - make the call. just fyi, i'm mdd and gad and take lexapro and klonopin and they have helped ALOT. not a cure. you need to be honest with yourself and your family, if you can, julie - you won't get much out of therapy if you are ashamed or secretive. no need to be. good luck, vent anytime, it's good for all of us

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

Hello,

Well today I dialled the number to a local mental health centre to make an appointment, I put the phone down as it rang but then forced myself t ring again and before I could do anything lady answered. I asked if they could help but there was a waiting list and she would need my details. I put the phone down saying I would think about it.

Oh my god crying now just got a fright, my living room door is part glass and the TV was reflecting on it, thought someone in house, oh I'm such a pepthetic person, just need a moment.

Heart is still pounding and I'm shaking while writing this but need to continue.

After putting the phone down I sat down for a while and then picked up the phone and dialled the number for the samaritans, it was answered very quick and took me by surprise, asked if they had a centre in an area by me but she wanted to phone me back I said no and out the phone down. Thought might as well phone another area to ask they said they has a couple in the next area and I could make an appointment, told him I would think about it.

I'm scared at what to expect or what they expect of me. I want to be out of area and I want to be able to park without pressure of finding somewhere to park, miles from the centre. I'm scared that people will find out that I am attending, don't want husband/family or work to ever know. I just don't know what to do. I know that I have made some progress in dialling the numbers but need to meet someone face to face, 'I just need a bit more time.

Why are things difficult, why can't I just make the call and set an appointment up?

Julie

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