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Help me identify cognitive distortion???

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Help me identify cognitive distortion???

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Rose306, you are awesome....I wanted to type that about opinions and ******* but didn't have the courage....Thanks! That is exactly what was going through my mind as I typed what I did type!

Cindysue, it's hard not to take things personally, but in actuality it is her problem and not yours! It is not because of who you are, what you do, what clothes you wear, etc. Sometimes it is just "because" and I think about the person that I was friends with (I bet you got 'em too) and I really didn't have a reason I let the friendship go, it just sorta fizzled. I wish I could like everyone I meet, It would make my job easier as I meet approximately 300 clients a year and then people you run into through life. I'd be richly blessed if they all liked me and I liked all of them. lol, I don't like them all, in fact some of them, I can't wait until it's time for no further contact, but it's just my preferences and not them! Some of them can't wait until they don't ever see me again, it's just their preferences and NOT ME! I used to think all the clients I worked with had to like me - what an unrealistic expectation - I try to carry that over to everyday life. I also have had to realize also that some friendships are made on thin ice to start with - and if we truly look at them, there might not have been much of a foundation to build on. All this rattling to say - it's not about you!!!!!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

it's obvious you're hurt, don't mean to rub salt in your wounds....did she and your husband talk long, were you mentioned? if she didn't even say, tell cindysue i said hi, then yeah, screw her

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 32

I have no way to call her as she is merely here as a visitor and I have no clue where she is staying, could be a hotel, could be with a friend, no idea (however she has my contact info). I could try email but you know what, if she can't be bothered, then neither can I. I really don't think I'm being a drama queen because I'm offended by being apparently blown off. I have calmed down since my original post but I still think it's a lousy thing for her to have done. I'm going to do my best to not take it personally, who knows what her reasons actually are for not telling me she is here, but regardless I feel like it shows where I stand with her priority-wise so...that's it.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

hey cindysue, your reaction was understandable and dramatic. they more you are offended - the more you are offended. i'm aging out of my drama queen status. call her, ask her - what's up with you? my 2 cents.....goofy you know what they say about opinions? opinions and ***holes, we all got em!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 32

Thanks for your replies everyone.

Goofy you don't sound harsh at all, what you said was exactly what I was looking for: identifying cognitive distortions, and mind-reading is one of them. Of course I had a lot more typically depressive thoughts such as, "She must not like me therefore I'm an unlikeable person, no one will ever like me etc!" Just the typical warped thoughts that CBT tries to untangle.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Cindysue, not trying to sound harsh, but it sounds as if you are trying to read her mind. I do this often and it is not a good thing. You can never be sure of what she was thinking, her intentions, or why she hasn't contacted you. On the other hand, you do not have an obligation to contact her or if she had have contacted you to accept her invitation. I think you should think about what you want to do and do it, she may have a reason for not contacting you other than she was "using you" before.

Just an opinion - you know they are common - so take it or leave it.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Hi Cindy Sue,

Friendships are two way relationships. We give, we take, and define it as sharing. So share a bit of time with this friend.

Dinner and coffee need not be an all night affaire.

Perhaps it is the general negative feelings of the depression that are coloring the recent meeting. When, it lifts the next meetings will hold the same friendship you shared many moons ago.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 406

CindySue,

Your feelings are understandable considering how much you valued the friendship. Maybe she just got back and did not have the time to check in with you yet. I suggest you challenge your thoughts by asking yourself if they are true, what the evidence is for it being true or against it being true, and if this has this ever happened before. Perhaps you can give her a call and take it from there. Members, do you have any other advice for CindySue?

Karen, Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 32

Situation:

While my husband was out on the street today he ran into a "friend" of mine. This person used to live here in this country and before she left we were spending about 2x's a week together. She went back to the USA. Well now she came back for a visit for the first time since leaving and DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME. I feel like now she's been busted and feels we will have to meet up for obligatory dinner/coffee.

My reaction:

I am totally offended and I don't want to meet with her because obviously she didn't care to meet up with me. It would seem she was hoping to avoid me completely! I feel like when she was here last she was just using me for companionship to fill her time because she knew very few people here. But now that she is only back here for a short time I am completely missing from her list of priorities. I feel like I don't ever want to see her again and I want to scratch her off my list of friends or even aquaintances. And now my husband will probably push me to meet with her, as if _I_ will now be the rude one if I blow HER off. I am hurt, angry, and feel like I've been used.

Can anyone see this in a different light???

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Help me identify cognitive distortion???