Mom of 3, I missed you too and am very glad that you are back! I am glad to hear you had some fun. I know you were it with a wave of questions to stimulate your mind as you were heading into the weekend. How did that work out for you and do you have any new revelations? I'll ditto Rose's comments. I look forward to your posts! I am glad you are back.
Rose, you make many insightful comments, make me think about things, but I don't take you to think you are a know-it-all. You engage in conversation that is stimulating and makes me think, but you are willing to listen to other's opinions. You are very knowledgeable about co-dependency for sure. And sometimes when I read your response I say (to myself) "ouch". But I needed to have that reality check....so for all those unspoken "ouches". Thanks. And remember as I said in the other post. Let's hope some are just doing so well, that they don't need to be here right now!
I find that you speak your mind and I appreciate that. I have not been away because I was offended or tired of talking with you good people. I just needed some reflection time on what has already been said. I am overwhelmed and it is taking a lot out of me to process. I am also tired of trying to process. Sometimes I just sit and play a mindless computer game or crossword to have something to think about otherwise. I've been doing that a great deal lately. I'd like to talk more but feel like I just repeat myself sometimes. I know I'm learning things from the challenges I receive here, but sometimes it takes awhile to sort it out. I really want to figure out how to get past my issues but there are times I get stuck and this is one of those times.
I had a nice time this weekend. It was good to see everyone. Of course, my family is dysfunctional so there was the usual circus that brings. By today I was ready to come home, but it was worth going. I did get to spend time with my daughter and that was good. She makes me laugh even when I don't feel like it.
hi mom - did you have a good weekend with the family? hope so.......i get you completely with the high expectations. i hold doctors, priests, judges, etc to a higher standard, but usually or sometimes they fail just like the rest of us. i find that maddening. when you are betrayed or let down by those figures and then especially your own family. i get it - it's who can you trust? you can't even trust yourself half the time. i missed you on these boards and got too used to talking, maybe i am a rude *****....tell me, my feelings will be hurt but i want to learn how i come across. like a know-it-all? i'm not...i'm probably more screwed up than the tiny handful of people that are still talking here. maybe more pointed questions from the moderators? quizzes?
There have been times when I could trust that someone would be, say, do certain things, they are few and far between. Yes, there have been those who have done their best and I can see that and appreciate that. But most often these are situations where I did not have big expectations. Perhaps, as I said previously, my expectations are too high.
This is entirely my understanding ... you can take it with some salt or consider it a plate for the the birds...
what I was trying to explain is that if you expect to be disappointed ... you will be. You will be hyper vilgilant and turn a situation to the worst possible explanation. That is why I ask if you can trust. Can you leave your understanding of a situation and accept that another did their best by you and your interest?
Here is where communication and listening (not hearing) comes in. A person tells me ... I hear the words and listen to the message and understand the message and trust the love with which they acted.
How do you know you will be disappointed or wrong to have trusted? Because of times that you have been disappointed in the past? Have there ever been times when you did trust someone or something and you weren't disappointed?
The panic attacks have subsided somewhat but I find myself shaking a lot (not good with my job in surgery) and still having headaches. I'm still working on these. I think I'm just exhausted.
My husband is going away tomorrow for work again and will be gone a week. My son and I are going to my parents' house to see family this weekend. I just need to get away and I am hopeful this will help.
I am still thinking about what you all have said. It's a lot to challenge right now, some of it I don't really have an answer for. I don't know why I have such trust issues. Maybe it's me and I expect too much so I'm always disappointed. I just know that I have a problem finding a way to trust. This is a huge issue and I'm not sure how to handle it. There is a part of me that wants to trust, and another that is afraid because I know I'll be disappointed or wrong to have trusted.
Mom of 3,
I think rose and wildcat have brought up some really important points here! It does sound like you have a lot to think about here.
Please stay close and let us know how you are doing.
Sarah, Health Educator
mom, ditto to what wildcat said. i hope i didn't upset you with my long disclosure of my own crappy marriage. i wasn't so much telling you what to do but reminding myself to keep at it! believe me i know how you feel. a christmas carol - bob marley all wrapped up in those chains dragging them around through eternity. that image has really stuck with me for all these years and that is the first thing depressives/codependents need to do in order to heal. deal with it, then bury it, it's done, free yourself. i'm trying so hard to do that.....i have to, so do you or it's just gonna be more of the same. i was proud of you when you admitted feeling guilty. confession is good for the soul? do you know why catholics (i am one so i can rag on them) invented confession? to keep people out of the mental institutions. the human condition = how does that go? a comedy to those who think and a tragedy to those who feel
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