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Having Trouble Challenging

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Well, some of my negative core beliefs are I think I am ________, I don't think others will like me because _____, and I am never going to ______________. There are several things I think about as far as I think I am..... I think I've become lazy as a result of my depression, I think I use it as an excuse, I think I am not as smart as I used to be. I think I'm fat (just love those meds that help then create). I think I'm ugly. I think I look weird, I think people think things about me. I think people expect me to talk, walk, act, dress different because I have an education. I don't think others will like me because: I think if I don't help people they won't like me, I think if I don't meet others expectations they won't like me. I'm afraid if I am assertive about what I need or let others know I have needs I'll appear weak. I am weak. I am unlovable. I am never going to get to travel, buy new furniture, have a relationship, make new friends, get over this depression or at least get to a functional (work, home and others) level (all three simultaneously like before). Ya think I got a few of them identified?

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi Goofy, Yes you are on the right track. This type of exercise takes some time for reflection and analysis. As you said, first you need to identify the negative core beliefs before you can change them. Have you come up with any that you'd like to share? I'm sure others may share the same thoughts or beliefs..........you'd be surprised!! Good luck, Faryal, Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

I am new at this too. I think first we have to identify the negative core beliefs. I am more concerned about the ones about me right now. those are the ones I'm focusing on. I meant SMART goals. One set of negative core beliefs at a time, huh? That's about as far as I've gotten, is figuring some (not all) of them out. Do you think I am on the right track?

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Mom of 3,

I do not know much about core beliefs but I do believe it is possible that some of our greater issues with ourselves and the world and others come from a mess of intermeshed multiple core beliefs, I really do think that is possible. But I also believe it is possible to disentangle them and deal with them and change them. I really do think it is possible. I have not yet figured out how to do this on my own. I have managed somehow to change some around with the help of my therapist before though, so I know it can be done. We will figure this out together :)

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Breanne,

I understand everyone has some flaws but I am amazed when I see someone ask for something, get it, and then not feel like I do and/or have it seem that the giver is not at all annoyed by them. Why do I think it's different for me? Am I too sensitive? Do I make this stuff up? I do feel like an annoyance and that the giver is annoyed by me, that I'm somehow more annoying than anyone but don't really know why. That probably doesn't make sense, all I know is that I'd like to get rid of the "feeling" so I can be free to be me around people without the worry of annoying them when I need their help, attention, etc.

Maybe this is not just one core belief that I have but several wrapped together, is that possible? I am tired of me, I want to be able to stop being so worried about everything. I just feel like one wrong move and I'll be so irritating that no one will want to be around me - I am annoyed by myself . Now I'm just melting down and getting nowhere, I'm sorry.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Mom of 3,

I wish I had great advice for you. I am still at the challenge specific thoughts part of this program as such haven'T even started figuring out how to deal with core beliefs yet... But I wanted to say that it seems to me that by having at least identified it is a good start. Plus, I am sure others will be by with good advice for you!

Anyway, hang in there!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Mom of 3,

You said it yourself, your mind knows that some of your negative thoughts are essentially wrong. Focus on your strengths. Nobody is perfect, and everybody has some flaws, so don't think that there is something wrong with you.

Members, how do you challenge your negative core beliefs?

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

I admit that I'm not making progress in challenging my core beliefs. I can identify them and understand they are negative and even silly, but I can't seem to change them. It's like they're so ingrained and automatic that they take over without me even knowing it happens. Sometimes when I am aware it's like there's a battle within me. I have a negative core value that some part of me holds true, but then there's another part that can identify it as negative/wrong/silly, but I never seem to be able to conquer the negative.

For instance, I have a negative core value that says I don't deserve help (or anyone to do anything for me). I can't ask for anything without experiencing a horrible guilt trip. I feel like an annoyance, a bother, that I've asked for way too much, that I've crossed the line. My mind knows that this is essentially wrong, I hardly ever ask for anything, and when I do it's after great consideration. I don't really know why I feel that I don't deserve help or attention. I do know that I have been made to feel like I am an annoyance or imposition in childhood. I don't really know of a specific instance that caused me to begin feeling this way, but I do know that I began to fear asking for anything from a very young age. I have tried to ask for things more since this program, although I must admit I have not challenged my core belief very well. I still feel like there's something wrong with me. Something that I don't know about, but everyone else can see, that makes me annoying or an imposition to others.

Even as I write this it sounds silly, so childlike, but very real to me. Some part of me does know that I have worth or I wouldn't be offended by my core beliefs. Just the same I can't reconcile the two, and I feel like I'm crazy since I can't.

I want to be able to feel like I am important to others, otherwise I act in stupid ways, hold back, even avoid. I just can't seem to figure out a way around it. This core belief takes over - I need to find a way to reconcile it but I am getting nowhere.

Anyone have any ideas?

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