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overanalyzing

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Goofy, your post seems a little more upbeat and I'm glad to see it. You're definitely not alone, please vent any time you want. Good luck with those work issues, keep us posted.

Hi Sylvie, No I haven't gotten to the relationship part yet. I tried to access it but when I did the progress questions were there and it felt like cheating because I had just answered the questions for the session I'm really on. I really feel like skipping ahead, but I understand that my relationship problems are also part of all the other issues addressed. I really feel like I should stay in order and work on the "overall me" since it's got to interelate.

Hi Diva, As always it's good to hear from you. I appreciate that you care.

Just to let you al know the rafting trip was great and we had a good time. It was chilly but bearable and it did not rain while we were on the trip. Did have another brief moment of wanting to strangle hubby, but let it go instead. Things have been calmer since and I'm trying be balanced in my thoughts. Still afraid to count on anything but not going to let it keep me from being able to one day. Thank you all for caring!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Thanks y'all. It provides hope to have tangible items (charts) to use to make progress and insight when someone shares how they handle comparable situations. It also leaves me feeling not quite so lonely in my "unacceptable" behavior.

Goofy

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1288

Mom of 3, Have you had an opportunity to read through the section that focuses on relationships? Sylvie, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Mom of 3,

It sounds like you are havin a tough day. I am sorry to hear that.

I think anyone feels bad when they come under scrutiny al the time. I know I do. I wish I had great advice for you about this but I guess all I can say is be kind to yourself and hang in there. Oh and please come vent here with us anytime!You are in my thoughts.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

After all my writing yesterday about what I'm doing to battle this stuff - I'm right back in it. Right now I' not having any luck battling my negative thoughts. Mostly because my husband's attitude is of not help. He's been nit picking and I've ignored up until now but it's under my skin.

I made rafting resevations yesterday - per him. It's now rainy and cold today. First thing this morning, not good morning, not a kiss but "I guess we can't cancel" I am now mean b/c I took exception to it. Rafting was one of the rainy day suggestions the book I had mentioned. I found it and showed it to him and it just made him more angry. I calmed down gave him a kiss and told him good morning even though I did not feel remotely like it.

Everything I do is under his scrutiny, I have to justify every move I make. Walking up from the river yesterday, his comment was "why are you going that way?" I turned around and said "Does it matter?" I am just so tired now. It's hard to keep positive under the circumstances. This is why I can't rid myself of the feeling THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO!!!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Well,

I really get what you are saying. If I ever find a really great way to get out of that I will let you know. Up to now all I have is thought challenging and talking with people to get a new perspective...

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Diva,

I understand - it's just what I do to try to keep myself from doing the over analysis thing. Over analyzing is a mixture of things like perfectionism, shame/blame, control, for me. It's what I do with a negative situation, then become more depressed b/c I'm not perfect, able to control/fix, and I'm somehow sure that it's my fault. Changing my thought process is more the key for me. I figure that is most of my problem anyway, with anything. I've come to the point that I'm soooo tired of my ways (thought processes). I just don't want to be a slave to them anymore. When Goofy talked about just going to bed and sleeping, but not really wanting to do that either - I understand! It's exhausting to over analyze! Moreover I find that during my overanalyzing time I'm not taking care of the things I do have control over and would be able to fix. This makes me even more depressed and leaves me sure I'm a failure.

If I was better at making this work for me, I guess I'd no longer be writing here. I/We somehow have it ingrained that we are bad people if we do not overanalyze, like if we don't we don't "really care". It's a real battle and I am trying to maintain hope that there's change for this too. (Feeling defective all the time is not the way I want to live.)

Hopefully we'll each find a way to make our tendancies more positive. I'd like to think we're all entitled to better ways to spend our time and efforts. Hang in there Goofy and Diva, there's got to be workable answers for everyone! Let me know if you find something that works for you - never to proud to abandon my solution for something better!!!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

HEllo Goofy,

I totally get the overanalyzing thing! I have done that many times. As for Mom of 3 it does not do me any good. I just wanted to drop in to let you know I understand and to wish you the best in dealing with your job issue.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Goofy,

I understand completely. Overanalyzing is one of my specialties, not that I want it to be. Being analytical has served me well in a number of ways. Being over analytical has never served me well. The key for me is to make an effort to stop myself before I overanalyze.

If I have a problem, like at work, I concentrate on my role. Identify what is within my control and what is not. I then analyze what was within my control. (Do I need to change something?, own a mistake?, apologize?, did I do my best?) That which is not within my control still bothers me and to avoid over analyzing I try to identify the possibilites of "why", but when I see that the issue is someone else's I am trying to leave it there and only deal with my responsibility. Note I said TRY. Not great at it and like everything else it takes time and practice. The only thing I have learned is that the only way to affect a situation is to affect me and my responses, but remaining true to who I am and my ethics. I can't change anyone or anything else, just me. If I conclude that I haven't caused the problem, and this is harder sometimes, I must remain true to my conclusion. This is also hard b/c I accept blame easily. You probably do too, otherwise you wouldn't spend do much time on an issue and have it affect you so profoundly. You and I feel like we MUST fix it. This is why we need to only own what belongs to us and let the other stuff go.

Josie is right keeping a journal is extremely helpful and can be helpful in letting you identify your overanalysis vs your

necessary analysis. It will let you own your issues and pass what belongs to others to them, thus releasing you from trying to control what you cannot.

Good luck with your work issue. They're the pits, but I'm confident you'll be able to "get your head around it" and prevail!! I'm in your corner, let me know how it goes!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

You may want to identify how and when you tend to stray to the wrong conclusions and to catch yourself while in the process. Perhaps keep a diary of how you are thinking and feeling throughout the day, and of what is going on your life. This can help pinpoint and assess the situation better.

Take a pro-active role and empower yourself with the knowledge that in many everyday situations, we can choose how we react and how we feel. This can help you progress positively.

Josie, Health Educator

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