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First Good Thing

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hiya Mom of 3,

You are most welcome.I hope you had a good day at work. Mine went really well. My boss was very nice and happy with my work, do I am exhausted but happy. As for time for reflexion I think it is a good idea :)

As for hanging in there I totally agree with you!

Take care,

-Diva

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi again Diva (again)

I just finished reading your other post and replying. Thanks again for your kind and compassionate response. Sometimes having validation helps me to keep going. Last night I skipped any intense talk. I couldn't deal with any more and was tired from the previous evening. There are signs that what we had said to each other had sunk in and I also felt it was more time for reflection.

Keep hanging in there, there's progress to be made for both of us. I'm told that a struggle can actually make you stronger (I'd really like to see that for once - for the most part I've just felt weak and angry with my struggles.)

Going to work now, I'll be back this evening

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hiya Mom of 3,

I think it is great that you have found fun in going to the gym. I tend to realy love walking and going for a walk tends to make me feel so good. So I get how your gym is an important part of your day. As for the weight loss congratulations!

As for your self -esteem issues and your negative thought patterns and such, I beleive you are on the right track. You have become aware of it and you are on here for this program doing what is needed to get better. It takes time though so be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it! and keep going the way you are with your recovery program it sounds to me like you are doing tons of positive things for yourself!

As for feeling beat down, well it is normal I think. After long intense talks with my husband I feel pretty washed out. I try to take breaks in between talks lately to just wind down from it all lol. I figure he deserves a break from the intensity and so do I. Plus, I find it helps me get perspective when we skip "the talks" here and there. Anyway, take care of yourself. That is my only advice. I really have no advice to give on marriages atm lol.

Anyway, I hope you recuperate well tonight and feel better tomorrow. And remember, this too shall pass!

-Diva

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Diva & Breanne,

My husband and I had another round last night. I still think that we need to talk more to really connect but right now I feel a little beat down and want a break. As you say, I need to take care of myself, so I've been trying to focus on that today. Our talk went a little late last night and I am very tired emotionally and physically so I skipped the gym tonight. I will go tomorrow night and likely Thursday morning.

I would have told you a few months ago that I would like the gym but I really look forward to it. My clothes are now too big and my rings are becoming loose on my fingers. I am very glad to see the weight loss. When I add pounds I loose self esteem. There is alot of obesity on my mother's side and in watching the health problems I've decided I don't want to end up like that.

I am trying to like myself but I do have problems with that. I feel like a burden, an irritation/bother, not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough. When I went through my first divorce I learned about the depth of my depression and some of my other issues (I had always wondered what was wrong with me). I had a friend who really helped me out and did alot of counseling with me. He would make me look into a mirror and say nice things about myself, I couldn't really do it and I still can't. I'm more likely to see my flaws. I wish that I could find some way to be more positive but I really don't know how. I'm afraid to take credit for things and usually downplay my accomplishments. I am aware, I just don't know how to stop it.

All I can say is it's another day and I've made it through. I will continue on until I beat this, hopefully I will succeed in the way I'd like.

Thanks for your replies, it's always good to hear from you both!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Mom of 3,

I agree with Diva, it sounds like you are doing a lot of really great things for yourself. In order to be happy and love your husband, you need to be happy and love yourself first. I know you two have been working through a lot, so I know that you will get through this. As long as you both have the desire to make things work, it will work out.

How are you feeling today?

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Mom of 3,

I know what you mean about it being hard. I kept thinking when I was younger that if you loved someone , if you found the love of your life things would be easy. Boy was I shocked when I moved in with my husband. I realized this was hard work! As for jumping to conclusions I get that completely. But hang in there, I really belive that it gets better and that whatever happens we will both be ok.

As for taking care of yourself it seems to me that you are doing a lot of really great thingd for yourself. I say we both keep on trying and get over this hurdle!

Take care and be kind to yourself, you deserve it!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Once again thank you for your reply Diva! I've never met you but you seem to be a really compassionate person. I appreciate your reply and really am having a rough time. I, like you, am apt to jump to conclusions. I go catastrophic and decide that things will never turn around over the smallest of things. However, except for my son, I feel so totally alone. I always considered this man as the love of my life and am having problems with the fact that this is so hard.

I am doing what I can to take care of myself. I'm losing weight, on purpose, going to the gym and working out and now I've found a church that I feel I can go to without feeling like an outsider. I'm going to keep on trying

Thanks again!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hiya Mom,

I am sorry to hear you are having a rough day and are having a setback in this area. I know how you feel. Marital strife is really hard to deal with and can make one feel very lonely. Hang in there and remember to be kind and patient to yourself through all this. As someone told me today, you are your most important person, take good care of yourself. And whatever happens you will be ok. My thoughts are with you.

-Diva

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Thanks Josie

But all that progress seems to be out the window. Husband is mad at me again because I told him that he doesn't treatme like a priority. I'm tired of feeling like this and tired of him saying that I say he doesn't do anything right. SOMETIMES HE DOESN'T. I'm tired of being blamed for things and having no one else take any responsibility.

So I'm down now and things aren't going well, I really need more than small steps sometimes