I almost managed to overcame the need to please my parents. They had conditioned me very hard on this and it was really in contrast with my personality. I'm a natural leader so for me is very hard to accept constraints and requests. From 6 to 11 I lived with my grandmother. And she ended convincing me that my parents were something of a legend. So I had to be good and to do whatever they asked me. (be the first in schools, be a good girl and so on).
Step by step I rebuild myself and now I started to feel free to be myself. Maybe this is the most important thing.
Well, I have learned many things and left plenty of baggage behind. Ok still am carrying too much but working on it!
One thing I want to share about having left it in the past is:
I used to feel like an incomplete person. I used to feel thatunless someone loved me and completed me I was not whole. Now I still want love in my life but I don't NEED it. I AM whole. Whatever happens I can be happy and whole and have a life of my own.
oh how about "Sun-In" it was peroxide that you spritzed into your hair and went outside into the sun to cook. I had the Samanthan-Fox look that long ago summer and a bit of her follies!
I was wondering... not really thinking, just musing with what the Psychi told me about self-esteem. I guess I do have a bit of trouble with it. I am not as bad as I was as a young adult.
I now push myself to take up a public space. i am not ready for friends yet but I can go to groups and share my experience and I do not have too much trouble on forums. But every once in a while, I wonder... Have I take too much space. Have I gone too far and an off the point. Do I appear like a "crazy-cat-woman". It is a small left over from the days where I would hit myself over the head with a wrecking ball of negativity. So this is my self-indulgent moment of low self esteem.
Have you though about your journey to now? I am sure you do not have tantrums like when you were 5... and you do not sit out in the sun with crisco chatting with the friends like teens the summer before their first job ... so what negative things have you left in the past?
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