thank you for the support! it felt good just to type out what i was thinking and feeling. it feels even better to read the replies and to be reminded that i am not alone and i am understood here.
yes i am angry at the world- at my world. yes i am the one who tries to fix everything and keep everyone happy (then i'm angry and hurt on the inside when no one notices or gives me credit or offers to help- hence the martyr ref.)
again, i appreciate all the input thus far. I've gotten some clarity but, mostly the support i crave (a laptop is now on my wish list so that i can post and stay in touch if this happens again).
i talked to my daughter and she reminded me that I've been dealing with ill parents for quite sometime- a point that i had forgotten. my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in feb 2000, dad began all his health problems in may 2000. they divorced when i was 6 so i had to deal with them separately. mom died in march 2002 while dad continued to have health issues to date. geez... no wonder i'm resentful of these health issues and having to deal. and of course there is the rest of my life- my job, my other job, husband, daughters, grandchildren oh yeah... and ME! time to take time for me, time to ask for what i need and want, time to care for myself.
you folks are awesome!
ps sorry i have not responded to some of the other discussions, i do care about what happens in your lives as well. i just wanted you all to know that!!
