hi lady,
I feel like rambling here for a bit... let me know if an idea or two helps...
My children are so much a part of MY life that sometimes the line between mine and theirs is blurred. so at 8 when my son wanted candy he dove into my purse to take our money... in the past year he and I have had the "21 attempts" to instill a new behavior. ask for what is in my purse otherwise there are consequences. You are still my darling that I love dearly but I will be disappointed in you. and you will be punished.
My sister was under my guardianship from her 15 to 21 birthdays, and felt I was robbing her blind. I received a "pension" from social services for her up keep. I got this money because of her therefore the money should have been used to satisfy her every desire... video games, cd's, clothes, etc not groceries, rent and heating, and a phone, etc. She blew up at me at 16 when we went clothes shopping for school. I said you have $110 for clothes. She bought on pair of jeans for $95 and wanted me to fork over more for that adorable dress! Well she did not want to return the jeans. And that was all that was new that year! what a horrible punishment wearing out of trend styles all fall and winter! She even broke a zipper on a winter coat to get a new one... I got the zipper fixed and threated that if it broke again she would have to explain the cheep quality materials to the tailor and request a new one at their expense! it lasted three years that coat.
so my son did not see the difference mine and his. My sister thought all mine. What does you son KNOW!?!
Not everything your son does is a reflection of what you taught him. he is influenced by his peer group and his environment -Get this i did that and no one had better say squat!- or -Buy now in the next 10 minutes and you pay only 5 installments of ONLY 35.99$ yes call now operatiors are waiting for YOU- friends and advertising play a big role when you are 14! that's why Nike and the rest do so well! If it were only the proper altheles who bought that garbage they would have all gone bankrupt by now.
So your son is taking the loud and noisy street to adulthood. it is a road he has to choose and the kind of person he wants to be. From your posts you seem to have a good grounding and reasonable values. Your son was given YOUR best. You cannot force him into the role you would have wanted for yourself is all the best of options and you cannot force him into the best role you can see. But that does not remove the worry and the hurts. He is still the same son you put into the world 14 years ago. He will always be that fresh crying baby in your heart. your eyes have an entirely different person in front of them and your head needs to communicate its vision.
so where do you go from here... It feels like quick sand, but you are really on a wind swept beach. No tracks only the horizon to follow. Your son sees a vast open space and you see the traps and pitfalls. Your lessons should have shown him how to thread forwards carefully. He has hopped on a dune-buggy and is off!!! When he stops for the night... tell him you love him. remind him of the lessons and with rights come obgligations. actions have consequences. and mommies have eyes stuck to the ceiling that see everything!
by the way while you are on the sand, pull up a chair and enjoy the wind, the sun and the scene. life will wait 10 minutes for you. :8|:
