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16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Thanks again Diva! Your kind words are always appreciated.

Penny? How are you doing? Please check in and let us know your thoughts, you seemed very down when you wrote. I'm not sure that your friend had a right to say that you like to be down. I don't think any of us "like" anything about this illness. If you are thinking your friend is right it's because there are times that down is what we're used to. Sometimes it's "safe" because it's familiar, what we know, a hiding place from all the things we have no control over or are overwhelmed. It's a dysfunctional type of coping or defense mechanism. I call it shut down - it's safer than dealing with what I don't understand or have answers for, like why am I not good enough to deal?. Do I like it? NO!, I feel like a failure because I'm feeling like I SHOULD be able to cope. But in shut down I don't have to justify to myself or anyone else, I am defective so people leave me alone.

Depending on how your friend broached the subject to you, it could have been meant to help. However your friend probably does not have major depressive disorder and has no way of knowing what it's really like for you. Please let us know how you're doing

Please don't be down on yourself. I realize that even in

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Mom of 3,

Glad to see you hopeful even though you are having a tough time! I really do beleive that: This too shall pass! I also beleive in you deserving some slack! Hang in there and please keep us posted!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Thanks Diva & Breanne,

I continue to try and I hope Penny will too. It's not going so well right now but as Diva says "This too shall pass" and I remain hopeful that it will.

I am simply blown away by how hard it is to cut myself a break. I'm going to try Diva's look at things, maybe it will help.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hi mom of 3, hi Penny,

I understand not feeling good enough and pushing yourself hard and feeling like you just can't quite make it. I do agree with breanne though. You two deserve to treat yourselves and to love yourselves.

Also, when you are mean to yourself ask yourself, if I was watching my best friend instead of watching me, would I treat here that way? I ask myself that all the time and it helps. I would never treat my friends that way I treat myself for the same reasons! I beleive we have learned to be especially hard on ourselves. I am trying hard to learn and cut myself some slack. I do find that challenging those negative thoughts about myself helps. The key to sucess for me was repetition. Challenge those thoughts over and over and over! I learned to do that on the Panic Center and it truely helped me! Practice makes perfect! I still have issues with this but not nearly as much and am getting better a little bit at a time!

Also, I keep reminding myself of something my mom tells me: "You are precious just because you were born, You areprecious just because you are! And nobody can take that away from you.". AndI beleive this goes for you two also.

I agree with Breanne: You are great, smart, wonderful, loving people!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Someone recently said, we don't tell our friends that they aren't good enough, that they aren't smart, that they are useless or unimportant, so why is it ok to tell that to ourselves?

You do need to learn to love yourself, and to be happy with yourself. Accept your flaws, and build upon your strengths. Nobody is perfect, no one! Don't compare yourself to others, because everyone is different.

Please try to treat yourselves well, you deserve it.

Next time you have a negative thought about yourself, try to challenge it, and turn it into a positive one. Keep at it, and see if your perception of yourself slowly changes.

You are great, smart, wonderful, loving people, remember that!

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Penny,

I know what you're saying - I don't know how to turn my negativity about myself around. I'm not entirely sure where mine comes from but I've never really felt "good enough". I realize that you are supposed to love yourself but I don't and can't figure out how to do so.

I've tried many things, listing my good qualities, ethics, intentions etc, None of these equal a lovable person. My husband & I are having problems and this just adds to my negativity. It seems that everything I try and everything I say is not good enough and I don't measure up. I never felt that I pleased my parents either. They would say they loved me but their actions and demeanor said that my brother and sister were more important. My first marriage was a use and abuse situation. This one is good but plagued by baggage from first marriage and children. It seems to have caught up and I feel blamed for things that were beyond my control. Now I sit around wondering how I failed so badly. It has really done me in. I can't ever remember not feeling like this. I might get a little boost but quickly find that I was wrong and that I'm just not special enough.

I do realize that I'm not a horrible person, but feel that I just don't really matter to anyone and it must be something wrong with me. Sorry that I'm not much help here, maybe it helps to know that you're not alone.

I'm sure that there's an answer to this, I just haven't found it yet.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1

o you ever suppose that the reason for our negative thoughts is years of hearing negative stuff? You are stupid, you aren't any good, what is wrong with you, if only you were different, why do you do the things you do, can't you do any better, this is all your fault, if only you would.....(fill in the blank)... Anyone else been here?

I agree, I've been there, still am there. Recently a "good" friend who's tired of seeing the up and down cycles told me he thought I was purposely putting myself out there, I was hitting the lows because it felt good to feel sorry for myself and I wanted others to feel sorry for me too. I realized that part of what he was saying was true and it stung. My father said horrible things to me when I was growing up, my mother on a weekly basis would say she wished she never had kids, put this together with parents who never said they loved you... at the age of 18 I left home, got married only to realize I had married my father. It took many years before I got out of that relationship. I still frequently feel that I'm not good enough, not smart enough, not lovable and I don't know how to turn that around.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 5195

Thanks folks. I've been doing pretty good at fighting those "downs" and negative thoughts this past week or so. Mainly because I just got fed up with it all and said I'm not going to do it anymore. I know that we can't control depression but I don't think we have to be it's victum either! I also know that in an hour I could be in total tears again but for now I am good. I'm hanging on. Those negative thoughts don't seem to want to vanish but the more I fight them, the better I get. The negative thoughts are the most damaging. Gives me an idea for a fresh post.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Hi lady, i'm sorry i didn't read this post sooner. I hope it's not to late to reply to your post. I think what you said is true, but for me, it's more that i said those things to myself. i say negative things to myself. i see myself in a way others don't see me. it's hard to get out of it if you do it so often, i know i do. but don't stop posting, i think your topic was quite interesting i wish i read it sooner. coming here to this website helps. even though it takes some time for us to reply, don't give up on us. :)

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 86

Yes, I care too! I hope things get better for you very soon!

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