Hi Lady,
yes, I care very much. I have trouble with appealing to prayer or God or any sort of organised religion. I don't believe in God and I am always at a loss to understand why folks seem to need that sort of abstraction in their lives. I've struggled with the God question since I was 12 yrs old and I still muse about it in general. I never, Never, got succour from appealing to 'Deities'. I had to admit to myself that I had no sense of what Faith means. I let it go. So, yes, I was intimidated when I saw that you were depending on a theology to ease what I consider to be an earth-bound condition with huge psychological complexities, none of which are solved by prayer without Faith. I'm sure it works for you anyway if you have Faith.
For the rest of what you post I have to say that I empathise with you and worry about you and wish that you were surrounded by loving and caring family and friends and, yes, even that, since you're a Believer, that your prayers will be "answered". I'm sorry that I haven't explained why I haven't posted for you or with you prior to this. I have no Faith. I respect that you do but I'm lazy and worn-out with many years of discussing God both in and out of monasteries on lengthy retreats and endless hours shaking the subject over a table top with good and wise friends.
I really don't want you to be in pain and to be lonely or that you despair - I want to talk to you but without reference to theology. I see many posts from you where you never bring up God or prayer. Please forgive me for this unBelief I have. I know the theory backwards but I cannot practise what I don't "get"!
Sorry,
Patrick OXO