Gabbi,
I was once a very abused and neglected wife, too. Due to my own negligence, I have not healed from his abuse still. This is one of my hurdles....letting all of that old anger and hurt go.
Having been a single mom for the past 5 years has not been easy, by any means. My ex-husband has not paid what little monthly child support he owed in over 3 years. He doesn't even send my son birthday or Christmas cards because he is so hateful of me and my decision for the divorce...But I'll tell you what I had at one time told myself when I finally decided that enough was enough...
NO FATHER IS BETTER THAN AN ABUSIVE FATHER. It is more of a blessing that my ex is gone, for me and my son, than I've ever really taken into consideration.
You are not a bad person, you are not a criminal, you do not deserve to be living in your own home as a prisoner. You deserve to be self-sufficient and able to care for your children and not be robbed from. You deserve to be treated better. Your kids deserve to be treated better.
Look into any and all resources, family, friends, work options that you can muster. Quit allowing this man to continue to keep you in a black hole and start looking into what you can do to get out. I think once you decide to take action, you'll feel a weight has been lifted. Its scary, I know because I've been there. Change is hard. I don't like it either and I'm having to deal with more than I'd like to right now...but the strength to make those changes is there. I'm doing what has to be done and you can too!
Many hugs and warmness to you! Liz
