Koal, wait the first thing you must do is get into a professional for help. Remember no one including yourself will be better off if you committ suicide. That does not help any problems. They just shift over to others. All your love ones will be asking WHY. And that is a question that can eat away at everyone. Please if you feel like you can't take it, pick up the phone and call a hotline. Every city has a hotline, local hospitals should be able to give that number to you or your physician.
I began reading the bible again, just a week after a close friend of ours was stabbed 4 times. He suffered a collaspe lung and a laceration to his splean. It was touch and go for the first 2 days, but he is on the road to recovery. It all happened because he was trying to help another friend who was being attacked by 2 guys. But I found a phrase that I read to my husband who also suffers and has attempted suicide 3 times. It reads like this "You can enter God's Kingdom only through a narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad and its gate is wide for the many who choose the easy way. But the gateway to life is small and the road is narrow." I think it says to me, that the devil is pulling all of us to the easy way, but we need to realize that and go for the longer road that we can only go one by one, since God carries us in our time of need.
Also talk to your husband, you are young and have a lot to offer. Let him be your rock and help you through this.
Keep in touch. Keep the faith and take care.
Peanut
