Hi Thank you very much for the messages. I have to be honest, I haven't been on the site for a while. One of my responses was edited by the support specialist and as my mind tells me very many things I thought not to come on it again if someone wants to change my responses. Anyway, I am feeling better. They put me on Seroquel as well and it was only three days until I started feeling better. I have met up with a bunch of people here and we meet nearly every Sunday at a yacht club. (Wait till you see it, it is a really African experience but lovely and peaceful. The people are funny in a way as there are absolutely no holding back. It amazed me at first, and I am starting to talk a bit more and am really surprized at how acceptable I am to them. It just feels good. I will defintely be visiting this site more often. Off to the yacht club. Thank you very much again. You really make a person feel special.

densam....how are you lately. I wondered if you got new meds and if you are feeling better....have you found something interesting to do, and do you feel lonely?

It's bad when things happen, but when bad things start to pile up, it's even worse and feels as maybe wish you'd just never wake up from your sleep. I've sure felt that way. Even this morning! Feeling alone? Well, long story short, I've basically latched onto God. I'm holding onto Him as if my life is depending on it. And it's helped me a great deal. Of course, I'm not saying everyone would experience the same thing as I have. I used to take meds for anxiety and panic attacks. I was in so much shock the depression didn't hit me till later. I was in such a bad shape that I couldn't stand being left alone at all times. Couldn't even sleep by myself and had to have my mother sleep next to me. I didn't want to do ANYTHING. Including eating or sleeping. I was always in fear of something. But as I grew closer to God, I've gotten alot strong. I'm able to somewhat function "normally". Obviously, I'm still struggling alot. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here. ^_^ I fight with my demonds every day and night. Just because we loose a fight once in a while doesn't have to mean we've failed for good. We're humans after all. Like Unrequited suggested, it's a great start to do volunteer work, or any activities that would give you a reason to go out. I've joined a gym to help me let out any frustrations out. Meet up with friends sometimes. Read books that shows positive things. It's not easy. But I force myself to do these things so that I can survive this world. If you think there is something you need to chage about yourself, try to find out what it is and start working on it. I can totally understand about thinking about the "past". It's so hard to let go. So many "I should've, would've, could've". I even remember things that happened when I was 4-5 years old! But I'm slowly.. VERY VERY SLOWLY learning to let go. Try taking it one day at a time and don't look so far into the future. If you keep thinking negatively then negative things will happen and the cycle keeps going and going. I'm sure there is something good about your life. Your health? Having people that love you even if they're not close by? If you really can't think of anything, here's one. At least you have people out there that care enough to read your post and s

densam - sorry you took all your meds the other day. I'm glad to hear that at least you have a mother to rely on for some support, as you get better with your new meds. It's actually good for you not to keep quiet even if you have nothing positive to say. That's what this site is here for. We can listen, and help you feel heard. I understand that your lifestyle and situation make it very difficult for you to make friends and keep them. I know that feeling quite well. As the great gr8fl has said; there are a lot of good books out there too that can help you if you can get at them. And talking to all of us out here, you can be sure we understand the feelings. Some of us depending on what we've been through will understand more than others. Don't worry about that; just tell us more, and someone will find you and tell you that they understand you even more than you thought. You will not feel alone. Let it out....bring it on....

upstate, I just remembered another book that you may find quite helpful. [i]Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach[/i] Check out the reviews (along with the others I mentioned) on Amazon.com to get more detailed info on these titles and how they have helped others.

upstate, If it helps to know you're not alone then take heart - you're not alone. Many people (myself included) have constant feelings of sadness and regret especially when alone. I agree with unrequited about volunteering and helping others. It's essential to helping yourself. I would like to recommend 2 books to you: [i]"Write it down make it happen" by Henriette Anne Klauser and "Your Heart's Desire" by Sonia Choquette[/i] They have given me hope and can do the same for you. Don't give up trying to feel better. It's worth it! Good luck!

Hi The loneliness can really get you down. I think it is bad when you are alone even if you are surrounded by people. Today I have nothing positive to add to the conversation, so I should keep quiet I guess, but I feel like I have to tell someone what is going on. I don't think my meds is working. The doctor has changed the prescription this morning. (He had to because I took all the other medication I had on thursday.) I really feel like there is not going to be an end to this, except if I do something to end it. My mother flew in (I live in a different country than my family) and it seems to quieten down the thoughts of suicide. I know I am safe when she is here, I am just scared to know what is going to happen when she leaves. Hopefully by then the new meds would have made a difference. I am at a complete loss for any emotion or thought processes. I do not want to be alone, but my lifestyle and my depression makes that people rather avoid me than not. Sorry this is not positive, hopefully tomorrow it will be better.

Sorry you feel so alone...I think most of us do and that brings on a great deal of depression. I wrote to Patch Hunter Adams, of the move; he believes that we need to show more love to others and then love will come back to us...He also believes we should find a task that we can devote our entire live to even if we think we cannot possibly do it. He encourages volunteer work, helping others, like disadvantaged children etc. to help us fill our lives with people who both need us and can supply our needs of loneliness. I believe places such as this site are helping to do that too. Hang in there, and try to meet people... ;)

I am new to this support group. I will be brief. I am divorced and live alone. I was downsized from a great job one year ago. I try but it is very difficult to get up each morning and job search. I have been estranged from from my 20-year old daughter for nearly two years. We were close before that and I am honestly not sure why she is so angry at me. I miss her very much. I have developed some new friendships with women but I find myself very insecure and unsure of myself. People that I meet sense that and after an initial enjoyable period, the friendships often end. What I am leading up to is the most serious problem that I have. Far more serious than anything I have written. It is being alone. I spend very long periods of time alone, not seeing anyone. This leads to thinking about the past and the mistakes I have made in my life. It is a very bad way to live. I have taken several medications but they do not seem to help. I feel medication-resistant. I remain stuck in a lonely cycle of regret and sadness. I want to feel better. I simply don't know what to do. Anyway, thank you for reading.