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How to be your own worst enemy

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Thanks Red, Mom's suffering was greater than what I'm going through. Davit, I'm not sure what I'm going to do to occupy myself, but the winter will have challenge. I just feel stunned, and can't believe this. Our church has some nice workshops where people collect and share their journey. I'm going to reply slowly to cards, since it's been a month. Christmas season has a lot of commercial stuff, which hasn't interested me at the best of times. I'm trying to get over the flu, and go to daily mass service. There are courses I'm interested in, and medical appointments I can now attend, although nothing was urgent. I'm afraid of the winter passing and seeing the blossoming flowers of spring that my mother loved, since she's not here to witness them.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hugs

In Canada we don't have euthanasia but patients are given enough pain killer to ease their way so there is no pain, even if they are breathing ragged or can't move. Not like in the old days when my mother died. If the morphine speeds up the process it is usually at the point they are not really living any more, their body just doesn't know it. I have visited so many people in hospital in their last hours. In none of them did the monitors show any stress. I would have thought they were just sleeping. They just don't wake up. Technically I have been dead on the table twice and revived. I remember no pain or stress. I would have passed with no pain if they had not revived me.

I'm sure things are done the same in the US. Your mom is in a better place, a place without pain and you did all you could, you can not change the inevitable, it happens no matter how much we want it not to. Think how much better she was for having you as long as she did.

What are you doing to keep yourself occupied.

Davit.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Hugs,

This sure does bring back lots of memories for me. We never forget but the pain does lessen with time.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this.

Hang in there,

Red...

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Hi Davit, The challenge is trying not to focus on those last dying days, where mom was mentally there, like your friend, but watching her breathe her last breaths. They say she wasn't suffering, but it didn't seem that way. All the uncertainty about the past and future will ease off with time. I just wish I could snap out of this cold too.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hi hugs

A friend I never met from the internet died this morning from a brain tumour. I liked him and he will be missed. His daughter said his mind was still all there,just not his body anymore. He died in his sleep. For me death will be the only release from pain and I will I would hope accept it gracefully. I would not want anyone to feel sorry for me. Death where is thy sting. For me it will have none since I lived a full life. Shakespeare stole this from Corinthians.

Funerals are for the living the dead have no use for them. Graves are a place to go to remember. A place where those you love still reside in your heart since they can no longer reside in your presence. They feel no pain or the grave or the cold. They are free of all life's cares. If there is an after life they can feel nothing but joy for there will be no pain. It is the living that hold on to life, it is the living that feel pain at it's passing. Your mother lives on in a better place, a place she feels no pain. A place without fear. A place without regrets. A place where all is forgiven. She gave you life and you repaid it by giving her care. It doesn't have to stop there. There is still her memory, that will always be with you.

Davit

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Thanks Ashley, I didn't go to the gathering, since I'm under the weather. It's surprising that I lasted this long. There was a wonderful church service & reception Thursday. It's so strange that I felt so comfortable there, unlike many other places where I feel unconnected, or odd. I'm due for some rest, but there are so many fears creeping in, since my world revolved around another person. There are so many unanswered questions, and demands. And it's hard to believe, since my mom is embalmed and buried, and i'll just get over this since I'm resilient. I still feel numb, and more isolated since I've lost my voice. Posting a bit helps, but it doesn't help mom.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hugs,

I am sorry to hear how down you are feeling. I wish there was something I could do to help. Please be easy on yourself now, it is normal to feel down after someone so close to you has died. Take care of yourself now and be gentle with the judgements you put on yourself.

How did the gathering go?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

It seems that I had all this "time" with my mom's passing, and now it's gone! I'm not happy, for some reason, how I'm spending my time. There's a saying by an artist "If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches; for the Creator, there is no poverty" Rainer Maria Rilke It's just me and I'm unhappy with this loss, and have all these questions and rage! I need to get to bed for a gathering tomorrow night. Nobody is forcing me to do anything so I can just relax, but I keep driving myself....

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How to be your own worst enemy