Well, I suppose I should introduce myself, yeah?
I've been here for a little over a week, actually started week 2 this morning. Um...not really sure what else I should say for an introduction.
I guess I'm an artist? I do commission work, mostly anthropomorphic characters, sometimes high fantasy artwork (demons, werewolves, aliens and such). I'm also a musician, and I can play almost literally any instrument you put in front of me. I write progressive metal along the lines of Dream Theater and Emerson Lake & Palmer. I'm also a fantasy writer, and have finished one novel, working on the second draft of that one, as well as the sequel. I'm getting into crafts for cosplay as well, though I'm not entirely confident in that just yet.
As for why I'm here, I'm 26, and I started having panic attacks when I was only two years old. My mum told me that she had no idea what was going on with me, which would give her panic attacks, and one day she finally realised that what was happening to me was close to what was happening to her.
My biggest issue with my anxiety is nausea. I frequently find myself too nauseous to do anything at all, and I've taken to drinking a LOT of ginger ale and wearing a rubber band on my wrist to snap when I catch myself thinking what I've dubbed "anxiatic thoughts".
I guess my anxiety really started with emetophobia. My mum told me that I almost never vomited as a baby, and the first time I did, like fully vomiting, not like when a baby gets sick after feeding, was when I was two. It drove me into a massive panic attack, and I was crying, asking my mum what was wrong with me. That emetophobia has led to being a hypochondriac, though I'm not as bad as I used to be, and it's mostly settled down to just a fear of vomiting and being nauseous.
I'm agorophobic, after living in a very bad area of Australia for two years. I was guaranteed to be harassed or assaulted every time I went out, and don't remember a single time that I wasn't. I remember, when I came back to the states, walking down to the store and having a panic attack because a guy was shouting to his friend and I thought he was shouting after me for some reason. I carry pepper spray with me whenever I leave the house, if not to fend anyone off, at least to hopefully give myself some peace of mind when I'm out.
I tried getting onto some meds and receiving counselling, but the meds did nothing to help. They improved my moods, but did nothing for my anxiety itself, and I still had panic attacks when I went out. I'm actually on day 6 without the Lexapro, after weaning off of it for almost 3 months. I have passionflower extract that I put into my coffee during the day and in my tea at night. It helps with my moods, but not really my anxiety. I plan to go back to the herbal shop where I got it and see if there's anything I can take with it to help.
So, I guess that's me. I suppose you could call me a big ball of crazy with a nauseous core and a painted shell.
