Being able to go to the amusement park. To go camping. To go to the mall and shop/look until I'm exhausted. There have been so many things I have missed out on with the avoidance I've been doing for years. Driving again will be a huge milestone, so it will be great to be able to drive myself to anywhere I want to go whenever I want to.
There is a huge Candle Shop off the highway about 40 miles away. I have even avoided going there as a passenger because the only route to it is via the highway/freeway. I have always wished I could go there and buy a scented candle. I want to be able to drive there as a passenger and finally by myself.
I'm feeling better than I did when I first joined here. I have had a change in my diet but that occurred back in the beginning of May. Today has been a good day. I'm learning one day at a time about changing my thought processes and working on the exposure. I'm doing much better and looking forward to saying I'm doing great.
Interesting. Perhaps you were just having an irritable day, which can happen sometimes. Was there any change in your sleep schedule or diet? Finding lifestyle triggers for anxiety, irritability, and depression can be an important part of getting well.
I hope you are feeling better today. How are you feeling?
I woke up feeling angry. I thought about it that entire day as to why I felt that way, I couldn't find a reason or trigger or I was avoiding the reason or trigger and didn't dig deep enough. Davit is right on about kicking the hedge apples. It truly does help although my right leg felt some cramps that evening. :)
I've been thinking about this for a while and after watching a very good very moving movie I have noticed the connection between emotions and memory. The pain and sorrow triggered memory of similar situations in my life and although the past is the past the pain is still there. But then this damn disorder has left me more sensitive to this. I always was sensitive to my surroundings and with years of over reacting it is hard not to. Typing this will bring what is happening to the front and I can deal with it more realistic and let it go. I don't even have to post it but thought I would since journaling is a CBT technique for dealing with anxiety whether it is from emotions or other triggers such as the too much chocolate ice cream that added to the effects of my memory. So now I know what is happening and why and that it too shall pass. Back to sleep for me. The movie was very good to have had this much effect. As for the memories they are only experiences I survived, they can do no more harm than I let them. They are only proof that I am tougher than I think and that is a positive thought. That is my happy ending and that I shall hang on to.
Davit has offered you some great insight so I don't have too much to add but I will try...
Tension headaches are common when under stressed or anxious or even angry. Anger can be a healthy emotion - it depends how it is expressed. Do your remember what triggered the anger?
All emotions are normal and healthy in moderation. The trick is to change your thinking so that your thoughts don't negatively impact how you feel. The first step is to discover what triggered the feeling.
We all have emotions but they can mean different things to different people and a lot of this is controlled by core beliefs.
Some emotions are a step between two others so you don't want to get stuck feeling only the one in between. Sad is one of these. It can be the step between anger or disappointment and acceptance or happy. So you don't want to get stuck feeling sad when it could be just the step on the way to feeling better. Or worse you do not want to try not to be sad any more than you want to not feel anger. Just don't get stuck on it. Sad also is for closure, whether it is for a wedding, a funeral or the passing of a life of panic attacks. In this case sad is closer to acceptance. Depression on the other hand is a whole different storey. I have been sad many a time but never depressed
Like the difference between concern and worry. They may seem the same but are not.
There is the little problem too of upbringing. Some parents and societies do not allow a person to feel emotions. So it can be very confusing when you feel something you are conditioned to think you are not supposed to. This only leads to more anxiety which can lead to panic attacks.
The past is only good for a marker of what to do or not do in the present. You can't change the past but you can make sure it doesn't happen again if that needs to be or it can be used to plan the future but only if it is in a positive way. Using the past to keep worry alive rather than as a concern is wrong. But people do just that. Living in the past when they could have a different present time. I have to admit embarrassing situations from the past are hard to ignore, but again, they can't be changed, only learned from. You can have a very happy present time. Panic free also. After all any mistakes you make today will be the past tomorrow where they don't matter.
To quote you, "Only the present counts and it soon will become the past and not count." is such a powerful statement that I am adding that to my coping statements. I'm actually going to write in on my chalkboard in the kitchen as well.
There should be a list of emotions in some detail, that those of us will feel as we deal with this, even if there is no chronological order to it. (Since we all have different ways of thinking/reacting.) I haven't came across it in any of the books I have read thus far and if it's here in the program, I haven't made it that far into the program to read it. It would be helpful to know those emotions are a normal reaction.
As I got better and farther away from the panic attacks I got a whole range of emotions. Anger was only one of them. See for me I lost a lot of what I could have been over a long period of time by avoiding anything that caused anxiety. It was like being released from jail would be. I was free but had to pick up the pieces and get on with life. And it was scary. I could do anything I wanted to but was still scared to. Acceptance was the next step. Accepting the past was over and it would never be like that again. Accepting that if panic snuck in that I could handle it. It took a while to get away from the thoughts and the sadness that it might come back. It isn't coming back. I still have to remind myself that I have a life to live now, in the present and anything lost in the past is gone as would be a perfect life if I had of lived it. Only the present counts and it soon will become the past and not count. Unfortunately the past does dictate how we think in the present so it is important to stay positive so that when it becomes the past it will have a positive influence.
And yes you are progressing. And that is a positive thought that will influence the future. If you are going to kick apples you might as well give them names. Worry, anxiety, panic, anger and all the emotions.
Davit
I'm taking my frustration out on weeds in my garden which I have to do before it gets too hot.
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