Hmmm. Well I'm typically pretty positive, I believe, and I'm quite devout religiously so my personal beliefs are dictate by those of my faith. As for how real it is to me at the time? I think that is a little more difficult a question to answer. Sometimes, I have a hard time making out what is real and what is simply my own skewed perception of events and feelings. For example, I swore up and down when I was younger that I had been in soccer at school, played on a team with my classmates and remembered putting on shin guards. It always made my mother very concerned to hear because she said I had never played soccer a day in my life. They had never allowed us to play on any teams like that as children. Other times, I can't remember important events that I should be able to remember vividly like my high school graduation (only five years ago). Logically, I am aware that I was there but it's only a fact. I can't remember being there, what it sounded like or what took place. And the snatches I think I may remember, I can't trust because it's like I'm watching it on a screen, seeing myself from outside of myself. Memory, for me, is not a dependable thing. It's tumultuous and at best, unreliable. And, I suppose in following with you line of reasoning, since my memory is unreliable, it could be why I struggle to distinguish between what is and isn't real at times. So much of my life, my entire childhood is lost to me. I'm twenty-three and I can't even remember my teachers names or friend's faces from middle school. I remember in fragments, ghosts and snatches of things that I can't even be sure aren't just day dreams. I try not to worry about it though. Surely if I can't remember it, it must not have made much of an impression, huh? Lol
