Hi, everyone! I'm new here. This will probably be a bit long-winded and I apologize for that. I struggle with hypochondria and panic disorder. I started struggling about seven years ago. I had my first panic attack while laying in bed about to go to sleep. I had never had a panic attack before and just knew I was dying. My then husband called an ambulance. By the time they got there I had calmed down and they checked all of my vitals and told me they thought I was fine. I went to the ER anyway, just in case, because I had no idea what was going on with my body. They couldn't find anything wrong. I thought they were missing something, because I had felt so bad I just had to be dying. That was the only explanation. This started a long cycle. I started having panic attacks a couple times a week and would go to the ER each time. Then, I started getting them everyday. I could not enjoy life. I started going to a primary care physician. She tested me for anything and everything that could be wrong with me and she was convinced this panic and anxiety. Of course I thought she was wrong. My life was good, I had nothing to be anxious about. I had a cute baby, a husband who I loved dearly, and an amazing job. There was no reason for me to be anxious. She prescribed me Wellbutrin. I took it for about three months, but I hated the way I felt while taking it, so I stopped. Eventually the panic attacks subsided, but I was faced with a new challenge - hypochondria. I started to google symptoms, check myself for bruises and rashes, take my weight daily, checked temperature and heartbeat almost every hour. I could NOT lead a normal life. It was very scary. Then, my life took a turn for the worse. My husband and I were going through a rough patch and we moved 700 miles away from my home state to live with his family in his home state. I went from living in the middle of nowhere to living in one of the largest cities in America, where I knew no one. A short time after we moved here we separated and divorced. When all of this was going on my panic, anxiety, and hypochondria all went away. I guess I didn't have time to focus on it anymore. Also, I was in such a bad place in my life that I didn't really care if I was dying. This was five years ago that I moved. In the past five years I have not struggled at all, until the last few months. After my divorce I got my dream job, met an amazing man who I am now married to, have so many wonderful friends, and have watched my daughter grow up to be so sweet. My life is exactly what I always hoped it to be, except the hypochondria and panic have come back. I had my first panic attack with my most recent go-round in February, about a month before my wedding. I've only had one other panic attack since then. However, the hypochondria is taking over my life. I cried for an hour a couple of nights ago because I found a rash on my foot. My head always hurts, my chest always hurts. I have weird symptoms that I've never had before like a burning sensation in my gums and on my feet. It's ridiculous. I find it so hard to enjoy life because I'm always focused on how I feel. My new husband doesn't that I struggle with this and I don't want him to know. I want it to go away. I've convinced myself that I have everything from Lymphoma, to heart disease, to a brain tumor. My most recent kick is HIV because of reckless behavior after my divorce. But, I'm convinced I have it, even though my HIV test came back negative, the symptoms are there! It's just so funny that when my life was going down the drain I feel more emotionally stable, but as soon as my life is going well I'm a mess. I want to enjoy my life, I don't want to struggle anymore. I look forward to seeing what I learn on this site will help me.
