So after 15 operations and the scars to prove it, after numerous broken bones and tendons, after years of chronic staph infection have I built a core belief that there is no hope or is it just a fact, also a core belief if I recognize it? And is this negative or positive?
Red, if I had of grown up in a closer family as you describe it I would have been more prepared and have examples. I would have from a very early age seen people age and die. I would know how to do it. And I would have built core beliefs from these facts. I'd be stronger. (maybe) Going to war doesn't make you stronger it just teaches you how to do it. Some people die trying. Those who survive have experience. I don't know if it cures the no hope core belief. Where there is no hope there is no reason to try beyond the immediate necessity. Catch 22 if it breeds depression.
My Dad went to war and learned about no hope but not how to cure it. He found the cure in a bottle. No hope there.
I watched him make the motions every day because that was all he could do. But there was no joy in him. He tried for a while but gave up. I don't want to do that. Not the bottle, I won't, but the no hope. There has to be a way to get up every day knowing it is going to be the best I can make it and to go to sleep knowing this is going to happen.
But cores are strong especially when they are built on fact or a warped way of looking at fact. There is an answer to this I know, just right now not what. And worse is the fact that I feel it may well be individual for every person.
How do I bring back that "ten feet tall and bullet proof" feeling. How do I stop focussing on the "glory days"? Know the song? Catchy tune about living in the past.
Davit
