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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Happy I found all of you!!

Posting can definitely be scary. I often write freely but then i wait a while before i send something or post something. i give myself time away, then i re-read what i wanted to say and see if there is anythin i want to add or take out. its not self censure as muc has acknowleding that i had a bad habit of saying things i wish i could take back. so i'm slowly working with myself on that and thats' my technique while i work on it - take a break before hitting 'send' on what i've written.

hope that might help someone!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

The Liar is Honest

Hi Lissa,

Welcome to the site.

I read your initial post. Lying is sometimes something we learn to do to cope with situations that are not escapable. Just an observation based on what i've read about anxiety and other learned behaviours.

Try not to focus too much on how you will reveal things to your parents etc.. that you worry about revealing. CBT works and it helps you to feel differently after you work through the program here. You won't always feel the way you do right now.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Proof of Some Success

Hi Teebs,

I was so happy to read your post this AM - I was away from the site for the last while. Good for you! That is so good to hear. I have not been doing the tracking here that you've been doing but have been monitoring how often i feel overwhelmed by anxious thoughts and it is lower thanks to this program and other things coming into focus.

Just wanted to say congratulations on your success. What kind of rewards are you giving yourself for this hard work?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

changed beliefs

Thanks guys!

This may sound wierd but I think it is accurate - the best reward i am giving myself is saying to myself daily "I deserve this" in terms of taking time to relax every day, not making a daily to - do list so long I can't get through it without rushing through, doing yoga daily even just for a few minutes, and all the while reminding myself "I deserve this" and believing it. After YEARS of not believing that i deserve a steady life with a SANE workload most days, this is the best gift I think i can give myself.

Since we've started to talk abouot the holidays on the site, I will say my goal this holiday season is to take as many time outs to breathe or do yoga or something else relaxing as I need, and to respectfully decline events if there are too many demands on me from others. The holidays is about something else now for me, not rushing around to meet everyone elses needs, although i do want to be there for those I love. but be there for myself first. and if that means staying home to rest after each busy day, so be it. i don't feel bad about needing what i need as much anymore. Very exciting.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

How to avoid Holiday Stress Part 2

Tiana - Hi. We have not met yet. I have not been on the site very much lately. As for your questions, the word boundaries came up for me.

Davit - Holidays are sad for me and have been for a while. I try to be in the present and enjoy what is instead of what isn't. Days are a collection of moments. At thanksgiving I had several moments of being in the moment and enjoying the good people i was with. No, they did not know my inner pain. They are new in my life and they do not know my past they do not know holidays are days I fight back tears too. there were moments like that at thanksgiving as well. so all in all, it was a collection of moments, some sad, some content or steady (inside). Part of me wanted badly to express the pain i had inside and have the people around me take care of me. I did not let on i was in pain. my pain is personal. It was caused by things the people I know today don't even know about. After thanksgiving there were moments of anger. I was angry that they didn't care about my pain (the pain they don't know about). Now as we approach the next holiday season, i am realizing this may be what I have with the people I now spend holidays with, and maybe that is ok. There will be moments of pain, and moments of steadiness (inner calm) and I have no idea how many of each. With awareness and tools I will work for less anger and sadness, and more moments of steadiness.

I will work to take care of myself even if I still am working on resenting that I have to do it and do it alone a lot. I know I shouldn't resent people for not being able to do more to be helpful and supportive right now. I havve yet to find the right way to explain to some of the people in my life what I need from them. I also don't like doing that because it triggers dissapointment. I cannot ask them for help until I am ready to hear "no" from them. Right now I am raw and when I ask for help and people say "no" i get really angry. I know this isn't the best way to live but that is where I am today. working on it all. finding little moments of forgiveness here and there. trying to grow them into more than just moments.

thanks for this thread. holidays are immportant triggers for me to work through.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

exposure to distressing thoughts - discuss Nov. Ask the expert question

I just read the November "ask the expert" post about how CBT can help people with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder?).

I found the response really helpful because I have been confused about what my exposure would be but I think i have a better handle on it now. can someone weigh in:

I have been confused about how to plan exposure work because my distress and anxiety seemed to be triggered by what people do. however i am now thinking that the distress and attacks are triggered by certain thoughts. (i.e. the thought "she is upset with me" causes anxiety as does "she isn't really my friend" and so on...) there are thoughts that rate a 10 out of 10 on the fear scale for me. In the section on exposure planning on this site it says not to start out with something that triggers a full 10 / 10 level of fear. to expose myself to something that is a 5 or 6. Is that correct?

Ok so a 10 / 10 thought for me is thinking that I'll end up alone in old age. When I really think about that and follow that train of thought I end up fully distressed. How do I back up and find thoughts that cause mild distress so I can practice exposure? Or am I still confusing exposure work with challenging negativity work? that is possible.

my understanding is that the goal of exposure work is to hold on to the thought for a while and see that it didn't have to cause panic. i am a long ways away from being able to hold my most distressing thoughts without panicking. i know that.

what do i do during the exposure session once i identify a thought that will bring on moderate anxiety?

anyone else do exposure work with thoughts? i feel like i am able to write out a list of distressing thoughts that i currently either avoid or react to with panic but should i do that and rate them in terms of level of fear they cause? would that be useful?

thanks in advance for any feedback anyone can offer.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Completing the Panic Program

Hi teebs,

I am sorry I didn't see this earlier to say congrats to you. How are things going? I am still trying to figure out exposure work. Your posts here have helped me a lot. You were so encouraging to me in Sept when I started the program. I hope all is going well.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Dizzy panic cycle

Hi Dizzy,

As you can see I just posted a similar type concern / question in the "planning for exposure work" section of the forum. I did that before I read your post here about exposure to distressing thoughts.

My problem is also that its thoughts that cause my panic attacks. I also want to know from others how to work with thoughts that bring on attacks.

Also I have trouble with bedtime too. I often wake up at 5 am with anxiety. My brain started thinking of distressing things while i was asleep and i wake up feeling anxious. then i am awake, and like you said, easy to ruminate which easily leads to more distressing thoughts.

Box breathing helps. i would say getting up to do yoga is not necessarily bad, it just won't address the root of the problem. My understanding of things like yoga etc.. is that they are helpful for relaxation but not going to remedy the problem. but are distractions necessarily a bad thing at 4 am if one needs to get back to sleep? my understanding (people can correct me if i am wrong) is that exposure work should be planned and although i havn't done it in a planned way yet, i doubt i will plan it for 4 am. :) meaning, there is a difference between dealing with anxious thoughts during planned exposure work and dealing with them at 4 am since most of us need to be resting at that time of day not doing exposure work.

Davit can you comment more about journaling? In your reply here to Dizzy you said you think journaling is the way to get positive core beliefs. I have often found that journaling leads me to distressing thoughts. Are you talking about journaling about the positive core beliefs one wants to build? or using journaling to investigate the negative core beliefs? I do that pretty well. except it often leaves me feeling upset. It exposes me to the negative core beliefs I have which is good but then one needs a plan for how to manage the anxiety that comes from the journaling.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

exposure to distressing thoughts - discuss Nov. Ask the expert question

Hi Ashley,

Thanks, I think I will set aside some time soon to write out all the distressing thoughts that have led to panic attacks that i can think back and remember. I have a good memory for what some of the speicifc thoughts were especially for recent attacks. I will try to rate the level of fear they bring.

I have this friend who doesn't have an anxiety problem and i find it fasciinaiting that she just goes about life without panic attacks. I've been thinking a lot about the differences between us. this is what i have come up with:

For a while now I have realized that anyone who carries around a negative distressing thought like "I will die alone" would inevitably end up feelign anxious about it. how can you not? it is by nature a distressing thought, unless one is a buddhist who can accept being alone ( a goal i admit i would like someday - to accept the truths about life without panicking about them). the difference between me and a friend who doesn't have panic attacks is that she doesn't think up distressing thoughts to torture herself with. She doesn't think "my husband might leave me someday" because she sees no point in thinking that. Who wants to walk around with negative thoughts all day long? I guess I do :) Because i do it, i have dozens of negative thoughts each and every day.

What info from the toolbox explains what I should do with the distressing thoughts once I find some to do exposure with? I mean just writing the list out tomorrow or whenever will be some level of exposure since i'll have to think of each one even momentarily while i write it down. I know in the past Davit has reminded me to write "not true" next to each one. but some people do end up alone in old age. so its not really untrue. its a reasonable fear to not want to die alone. for example. thoughts? actually I think Davit actually said something about for the ones that you can't write "not true" write something else but i cant' remember what it was. Maybe it was "oh well" i.e. accept it because what other choice do i have right?

Davit I hope you can remind me what that whole suggestion was of yours. Sorry I only remembered half as you can see. :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

exposure to distressing thoughts - discuss Nov. Ask the expert question

Hi Dizzy,

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I agree about sleep hygiene and have benefited from prioritizing sleep over the last couple years instead of disregarding my need for it sometimes to get other things done.

You mention expanding my social network. That is definitely something I have been working at for several years now. I have been finding that a lot of the people I encounter are quite self involved and uninterested in friendships. I am paying more and more attention to the way people behave and in doing so, am mostly observing how few people I know who are interested in friendship. I won't give up though. I'll keep my eyes open to new friendships with people.

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