:mad: My 4 yr old daughter has been driving me crazy all day!!!! and I mean from the moment she woke me up.... constantly bugging me... and yes four yr olds like attn, but she's not listening, she was getting into stuff, running down the aisle at the store... she almost NEVER acts like this, and NEVER has acted like this for more than an hour or something..:mad: I'm so frustrated that this evening.. about 30 minutes ago I went and bought a pack of cigarettes... :8o:I just gave up 6 days of progress... on the bright side, they taste like CRAP!!!! I don't know why I wanted them now... so I've slipped and smoked.. but I definitely know now that I'm not going to continue also....
on a scale from one to ten on how hard this has been before today I was at an average of a 2.. it was soooo easy.. today ALL DAY had been a 10... :mad: I'm mad at myself for slipping.. but I do know now that no matter how hard my day is after this I'm not going to smoke another one.. after 6 days it was sooooo NASTY tasting to smoke one.. and it was a menthol ultra light! which was the only thing I'd smoked in the past 4 yrs... :8o: blech! I don't what I was thinking... yuck! :8o:
okies I've admitted I've screwed up.. I'm about to reset my quit meter and date it for tomorrow... NOT proud of myself but I will get over this and I will not smoke again! YUCK!!! lol
Pamala
Okay not really.. lol... here's the story tho and boy do I feel pretty dumb...
Last fall I was under a ton of stress, and felt like I was falling apart.. well my dr prescribed me Xanax... a really LOW dosage like .25 mg pills I think.. well I never took them.. I was scared of wanting one every time I was going bonkers.. now I was smoking back then w/out really considering quitting that seriously so it was kind of like eh oh well..
Anyways.. I forgot all about them... and then last night when I was going up the wall I gave in to my junkie and slipped and smoked... well it tasted horrible and I'm not going to smoke again.. but had I remembered that I still had that Xanax (less than 6 mos old and I know the exp date was for a yr or so) I probly would've popped one instead of smoking... DUUUHHH!!!!
now I wouldn't pop one for every time the thought crossed my mind but I sure as heck would've taken one yesterday had I thought of it... so that's why I'm a moron LOL.. Just wanted to share!
peanut.. I did once quit for almost a year... but that was a long time ago lol...
but I know I won't be falling off this again.. I don't care what my stress level's like... last night I about got sick.. I've NEVER puked from a cigarette.. even the very first time lol... not happening no way no how... thanks for the great support here ppl! *hugs*
*hugs* I know what it's like to be a stay at home mom... I sort of am one.. I have my own Mary Kay business at home... Tho I generally take my daughter with me if her dad and my bf are working and I have an appointment... most of my days I'm at home alone with her and it gets VERY boring LOL.. *hugs* and stay strong also!
thank you shevie.. I tried to say something similar to someone else last night and they said that that was my junkie inside talking.. argh... if it'd been my junkie talking then it would've been saying something more like "it was so good smoke another!" lmao not "cough cough blech! what are you thinking!" lmao!!!
*hugs* everyone...
ang....I did get right back on my quit... I only reset the quitmeter for myself really.. kind of to keep me honest... and I'm feeling NO cravings/urges at all and loving it!!!
also, I'm really not sure why, but I'm vaguely certain that they didn't taste THIS bad to me last time.. it was volitile, and I nearly hurled... and I've NEVER felt like that... so I think part of it was probly my subconcious... which is GREAT! b/c then my body's now saying that NO I DON'T want to smoke! woohoo...
okies done rambling for now lol....
I quit for around 10 months about 4 yrs ago I had one of those junkie thoughts and gave into it... I don't REALLY know why... but in no time I was right back to a pack a day... and really gave up the quit didn't really even try again until recently...
I'm NOT going to let myself do that again! heck it's only been 4+ days since I had a slip... and that slip REALLY turned me off smoking.. I haven't even had a junkie thought since... or at least it's so fleeting moments that it's like I didn't even get a chance to hear it lol.. like a whisper I couldn't quite catch lol..
Pamala
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/31/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 4
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 105
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 50 [B]Seconds:[/B] 25
*hugs* guys! I think I rock too! LOL ;p
I actually went jogging today.... well, sorta, I jogged about 1/2 a mile of it total.. it was still too cold for my lungs to be jogging more than that.. (I've had a severe pain in my throat and lungs if I breath too hard in cold weather, at least since I was about 12 so that's not all from smoking lol) but I'm not a skinny little girl.. and the last time I even tried to get myself jogging on a regular basis I was probly about 16.. so about a decade ago lol... I don't think I'll ever really get into running/jogging very far.. but if I can at least do a walk a block then jog a block kind of thing I'll be happy lol...
I believe there are two types of people.. "Balcony people" and "Basement people"...
Balcony people are those people that when you are around them you just feel happy, happier with yourself, and life in general...
Basement people are those who are always in the negative.. and dragging you down with them...
The best way to learn to become a Balcony person, is to surround yourself by them... I know, because I've lived most of my life as a basement person, but I'm slowly coming back up and trying to get into that balcony...
If you surround yourself with happy, positive people, IT WILL RUB OFF ON YOU.... same goes with Negative people, but who really in their hearts wants that?
Another way to work on this in addition is to continuously lift others up to where you are.. refuse to let them drag you down by lifting them up... I would not suggest surrounding yourself with mostly negative people and just a couple at a time lol...
Just some thoughts to ponder on... I sincerely hope they help someone.. and remember the bumble bee... it shouldn't be able to fly with it's big heavy body, and those tiny fragile wings, but She does because she bee-lieves that she can! so just keep Bee-lieving in yourself and you can accomplish ANYTHING!
*hugs* love and bee-lief! ;)
Pamala
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/31/2006
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 4
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 88
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 38 [B]Seconds:[/B] 31
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