Hi Everyone....I'm new to this site and hoping to find ways to change my drinking habits or possibly stop altogether. I was raised by an alcoholic mother who at the age of about 40 progressed to serious alcoholism. I promised myself that I would never be like her. Well here I am at the age of 46 and I feel my drinking is taking hold of my life. I have been drinking a lot more often in the past year and a half. It all started when I tried to quit smoking. I gave up one bad habit and gained another. I did start smoking again it the drinking didn't slow down. Today I'm celebrating 4 months smoke free and hopefully its forever this time, but I need to get control of alcohol. I don't drink everyday, but it's at least 3-4 times a week. White wine is my drink of choice and when I start drinking it, I can't stop. The next day I don't remember a lot of things from the night before. Last night being one of those nights.thankfully I don't go to bars, I drink at home but I do have a gorgeous 9 year old daughter and I don't want my drinking to affect her. I want to get this under control and be able to drink maybe once a week on the weekend. I'm sick of feeling crappy after a binge night and I am always angry and ashamed of myself the next day. I don't do anything I regret, but I do hate that I forget conversations I've had. I feel so much better when I don't drink and I'm well aware of this being a problem. I keep promising myself that I will stop but after 4 days maximum of not drinking, the urge is too strong and I cave in. I hope someone can provide some advice on how to get a handle on this. Thanks.
Hi Ashley....thank you or your reply and congratulating me on my 4 months smoke free. I feel great about it and surprisingly I don't miss it, not even when I drink and that surprises me a bit because when I did smoke, drinking alcohol made me smoke a lot heavier.
I would like to be able to just have a few drinks one night on the weekend and that would be that, I never drank through the week and I rarely drank on the weekends most of my life. It was very difficult being raised by an alcoholic mother, my parents divorced when I was 6 and I wished all my life that my dad would have raised me, he is not a smoker and he is definitely not a drinker. I am very close to my dad and just very recently stopped speaking to my mother. I have to admit its a bit of a relief and I think it will give me the strength to cut off the co dependency. I also think my determination to not be like my mother is going to help me achieve my goal.
My daughter is the main reason for my goal....I absolutely do not want to put her through the same emotional upset and shame that I've lived with most of my life. I also don't want to disappoint my father or husband, they are both so important to me. I've tried to keep it hidden from my husband but I don't think I've been successful. I've gone two full days without drinking and I hope tonight will bring me to day 3.
Hi Thecia....wine is a major weakness for me. I can't stop at just one glass and believe me the glasses are very large ones too. I just keep filling and filling the glass. I don't let it get empty. I can't even say whether I have three glasses or eight, it's always a full glass. I'm lucky that my personality doesn't change but, I'm afraid one day it will because my mom becomes evil when she drinks too much. I am on my third night of no alcohol and I admit it's a bit tough, however the benefit of not feeling guilty and crappy in the morning is incentive for me. Let's keep in touch and hopefully we can be each other support in this journey.
Wow Ashley, you've asked some tough questions. I would like to aim for only drinking on Friday nights since that is my daughters night to spend with her grandparents. I haven't thought about the number of drinks I will allow myself or how I will curb the urge to drink more. I suppose this is going to require some more thought. Do I want to drink enough to feel tipsy? I can't tell a lie....yes I do. Do I know my limits? I'd say for the most part I do as long as I avoid drinking wine at home. That is always where the loss of control happens. If I'm at a restaurant I can limit myself quite easily.
Tonight I'm coping with the urge and distracting myself by working in the yard and visiting this site. I will definitely need to find things to keep me occupied. How do I stop myself from racing home from work and heading straight for that bottle of wine? Therein lies a huge challenge for me, and throwing it away won't help because I've tried that, I just make another trip to the liquor store.
Yes Foxman I have most definitely considered that I may be an alcoholic, in fact I fear that I most likely am. Considering I come from a long line of alcoholics on both sides of my family , and my drinking behavior in the past year or so, it has given me plenty of reason to think I am addicted. While I know AA has been a life line for many people, it is not an option for me at this time, and this is what has brought me to this website. I come from a small city where everybody knows everybody and I prefer total anonymity. I believe with determination and knowledge of what my possible disease can do to me both physically and in my personal relationships, I can overcome this and be myself again.
I think the need to race home to that bottle of wine is partly because I feel I need it and mostly because I have a very overwhelming, stressful job. At the end of the day I feel like the only way to unwind and regroup is to have a drink. The problem is I can't stop at just one. I need to learn to control this...however I'm well aware that people with an addiction to alcohol can't have just one. For now I do have a set plan to only drink on the weekends, preferably only Friday nights, and I will strive for sobriety the rest of the week. I have been invited to a retirement party tomorrow evening and because alcohol will be there I've opted not to attend. I hope this is a good start for me.
Hi Ashley....I have no problem with people being forth right to me, it's probably going to be the wake up call I need to decide to stop drinking altogether. I absolutely agree that alcohol adds stress to my life. I know I am not as tolerant at work, I am more on edge and I always hate myself and call myself stupid after I drink too much. Countless times I've said that I've had enough and yet a few days later I'm back to drinking.
At this time I don't know what could help me deal with the stress after work. I am always very tense and angry when I leave work. I hate my job, but on the upside I just connected with someone I know who is a manager in the field of work I do. The corporation she works for is looking for a supervisor of her dept and she wants me to call her this weekend to discuss the job. Hopefully this could be the move I've wanted to make. A change would be wonderful and this job would definitely be a lot less hectic and overwhelming. Ok so one way of coping with the stress would be to take a walk with my daughter and our dogs. I know that would be a great distraction. My problem is that I rush from work to pick her up at daycare, race home to cook dinner, clean up my kitchen, help her with homework when my husband is working late, get her bathed and make her lunch, then before I know it, the evening is over. When I want to drink I start as soon as I get home and kick off my shoes. How do I control that?
Hi Josie....you're absolutely right, I know my daughter will remember the quality time we spend together. Last night my best friend came over and we tied one on. I feel like such an idiot today. I told myself I wouldnt drink too much and yet again I did. I started with ultra light beer....3 bottles, then switched to wine....probably 3 big glasses. I wanted to just stick with the low alcohol beer but that stupid wine was calling my name. I think I'm going to go dump the rest of it out. I just need to stop myself from caving in and running to the liquor store for more. I also told my friend last night that I would attend her fathers retirement party this evening, I changed my mind, I don't want to go. I want to stay home and stay sober. I want to stick to my goal of once per week until I decide to change my goal to just on special occasions or quit altogether.
What I'd like to know is how I went from being an occasional drinker to an alcoholic and I didn't even see it coming? I remember a couple years ago I was so angry at my coworker, she had gone off work for a few months on what I called "drunk leave". I could not understand how anyone could be physically addicted to alcohol. It just didn't make sense to me. I thought it was and I still believe it was her choice to not come to work and just drink all day. I am definitely a functioning alcoholic as you pointed out in one of your earlier posts. I agree, I can't have just one, when I get that first drink into me, my body does crave more.
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