Clinging to depression
Interesting about motivation. I've mentioned on other threads, I think, that I go to a weekly creative writing workshop. Well, I don't go every week because sometimes I get very discouraged about my abilities, and sometimes I am intimidated by having my writing praised.
Usually I enjoy the sessions, and the novelty of meeting and getting to know new people. Believe me, that's not something I do very often, or usually relish. In fact, this is the only social life I have had or wanted for countless years.
But every Saturday morning, I have to persuade, almost bully, myself to go along, and I'm riven with doubt and a desire to flee until the moment I arrive and I'm committed to being there, and there is no escape to be had without drawing attention to myself.
I do wonder why I go the bother of making myself do it, and why I stress myself like this over something that is meant to be pleasurable. Perhaps because for once I stuck my neck out and got out there, did something new, met new people, and sadly I'm proud of doing that and don't wish to let it go. Or maybe I have this puffed-up idea of myself as a capable writer and don't want to admit that I can't hack it.........