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Addiction

Lynn123

2024-03-27 3:02 PM

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New Year's Resolutions

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2024-03-25 2:47 AM

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Water

Ashley -> Health Educator

2024-03-17 5:24 PM

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What motivates you?

Ashley -> Health Educator

2024-03-10 10:30 PM

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Browse through 411.742 posts in 47.053 threads.

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13 years ago 0 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
So unhappy

Ashley,

Thanks for your patient answer. 

I shall try to take your advice and not look at the totality of the program, but just the bit in front of me. I'll see if that works at all. I have tried starting the program a couple of times before but have foundered. No harm to try again, and the unhappiness I feel isn't just going to evaporate of its own accord.

I said that my addictive behaviour would destroy my family life, which sounds like an exaggeration and an over-dramatic statement, but I think it's true. I don't want to go into details, but it involves other women apart from my partner. I have always had an obsessive side to my nature, but never before has an obsession of mine involved something so potentially dangerous and destructive. She would not be able to forgive me, I am sure of that. I know I should care about the consequences, should feel guilt or remorse, but I just can't feel that. Along with everything else at the moment, my emotions are flat and inaccessible. All I seem to be concerned about is the expense and inconvenience should I be discovered and have to leave our home.

As for what I would wish to have learnt in five years' time .... that's a hard one, Ashley, for sure. I  really do not know. I do hope that in five years I feel happier than I do now, more connected to life, more at home in myself, whether I be on my own or still with my partner.But it is difficult to visualise that, when life is so ... well, as I described it below.

furgittit,

Nice of you to post, thank you. It's good to feel that somebody has read my thoughts and understands. And you tickled my wannabe-writer's ego too :) God only knows, my ego needs some tickling right now, so I thank you. Sounds like you are feeling much the same as me, so I truly appreciate the effort you made to post. 
13 years ago 0 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Personal Priorities

I like this. Keep things simple.
13 years ago 0 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Do I tell my boss?

Dan,

I can only talk from my own experience, but mine was positive. It depends, of course, on your employer and individual situation.

As soon as I was diagnosed with depression, I informed my manager. She had been concerned about my levels of absence and manner whilst at work, and was pleased to have something 'solid' to work with. Turns out that she had fairly recently suffered from depression, so empathised with me.

My employers are pretty good as regards employee health, and they immediately involved an occupational health nurse who recommended counselling. They paid for two blocks of private counselling, which I could not have afforded on my own, and have been generally supportive.

Don't forget that depression is a chronic illness like any other, and like any other health problem that may affect your work I think it is best to be open with your boss.

That's my experience, anyway.

Take care.


13 years ago 0 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Sleep

I sleep just 4-5 hours per night. I don't have trouble sleeping, I just like going to bed very late.

I really treasure the couple of hours I get alone every night after the rest of the family is in bed. It's when I truly relax. I've been advised by my therapist to change my sleeping habits, but I can't give up my solitary time. I feel I really need it.

On the other hand, I am often exhausted during the day, and at times I fall asleep over my work, but then it is very boring at times. I don't seem to wake up properly until the evening.

I've had this sleep pattern for 8-9 years now and it is my habitual daily routine. I feel like I live for the quiet hours after midnight when there is no pressure or stress. It may be bad for my health, but I can't see myself giving it up.
13 years ago 0 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Your Top 3 - Summer Hobbies

Hi Strength,

My need to stay indoors in hot weather is due to physical discomfort, I think, rather than avoiding contact with others (though that is an added bonus). I really dislike being hot and strong sunshine gives me a headache. And round where I live, a lot of people have barbecues. The smell of the fuel and the smoke from the cooking turns my stomach. And, yes, there's the people and the noise they make.

I don't mean to be a misery despite what my family think - surely it is natural to avoid, and not to enjoy, something which makes you feel physically unwell.
13 years ago 0 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Positive Thinking

As greg_c says, positivity creates more of itself as does negativity. If I feel positive, great. If not, I can't create it. It all depends on the reality of my situation at any particular time.

I don't know 'The Secret' - is it an American TV show or something? - but I do know that forced positive thinking, like affirmations, slogans, visualisation etc. is totally useless as far as I am concerned, and only serves to deepen a depressed mood.
13 years ago 0 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Identifying Core Beliefs

This is a big, big, biggie!

This process involves really deep introspection and a deal of self-understanding. Am I alone in feeling that I can't identify the onset of my depression? It seems to have just happened as life has accumulated around me, and I am unable to link it to a particular event or chain of events.

Evidently, the ways I view life now and the things I feel I should expect have all been shaped by my own past experiences and the environment in which I grew up. Personally, I feel that my depression has grown out of the gradual realisation that I have achieved few of the things, spiritually, emotionally and materially, that I feel I should have. I am not talking about grand ambitions here - I'm not an ambitious man - but I'm 49 and did expect to have reached a certain level of comfort in every sense by now. But I still feel as unstable and ungrounded as when I was 17, with the added ingredients of bitterness, wistfulness and a perception of myself as an abject failure. And massive jealousy of my contemporaries, and my brother and sister, who have all come from a very similar environment to my own and appear to have effortlessly achieved all that I have not. So I endlessly ask myself - why me? What is wrong with me that I have squandered the chances life gave me??

Also, I feel I am not living up to my own moral standards, the standards I expect from other people without compromise.

I have looked back with my therapist, and my parents did not push me towards perfectionism or severe self-criticism. These seem to be qualities I have conceived for myself.
13 years ago 0 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Developing Healthier Core Beliefs

I've long time held the belief that I'm evil - a corrupt, morally bankrupt person with no personal standards, therefore undeserving of love or any of life's good things. I'm fortunate enough to have a few people in my life who do love me, but I've thought that if only they really knew me for what I am, they would not love me any more.

Well, I've been examining this belief, in the light of the revelation that if I were truly evil, with no moral standards, I would not be constantly troubled by things I do or think. I would not constantly be berating myself. 'Nasty little man' is the phrase that recurs when I am talking to myself like that.

But if I were just a 'nasty little man' I would not care, would I?

So, I looked at myself in that light and found some decent qualities. I'm considerate, sensitive and thoughtful. I carry out my responsibilities. I have three teenage sons, all of whom are civil and civilised and have given no trouble to speak of. I'm not very happy in my marriage, but I've stuck with it out of duty and commitment to my family, and to spare hurt and pain all round.

Conclusion: I'm basically a 'good' person. A good person that doesn't always do the right things, sometimes wilfully follows unhealthy impulses, a good person made weaker and more vulnerable by my depression, but deep down I'm not so bad really.
13 years ago 0 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Developing Healthier Core Beliefs

Now, of course, comes the hard bit........
Transforming the rational knowledge of something (in this case my own basic goodness and right to a contented life), the result of logical thought, into an actual belief, and supplanting something long-held and basic to my view of myself and the world, my behaviour, my relationships, everything.
 
So, I'm working on my belief that I'm bad as bad can be, but I'm sure not there yet.
12 years ago 0 223 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
So hard to escape for good

Any long time users of this forum might recognise me from the past - I tend to come here for a few weeks/months, make use of the support, and then when I feel better I disappear again.  Well, that old pattern is here again.
 
I thought I had the depression licked, or at least under control, this time.  But - ho-hum - here we are again. No dramas, no momentous happenings, I just find myself again in a hopeless pit.  Brimming with bitterness and such a hatred - I know it's irrational but it is so strong - for every detail of my life.  The places I have to go, the things I need to do, people I meet. I hate it all, and myself above everything..  Every day it is an endless effort to haul myself to the end.  I have become a thing of no thought, just emotion.
 
It is so discouraging - years of therapy, counselling, reading, thinking,  trying, and all for nothing.  It  lies dormant for months but it's like an addiction, it's still there, pops up again, with an inevitability that is crushing.
 
I don't know what I'm hoping for, posting this here. What can anyone say? It's just that I have found support and friendship here before, and I needed to air this feeling of helplessness where it may be understood.