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Clinging to depression

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2606

Hi Rowsie,

Thanks for the update on this. It is good to hear that you are putting in the effort to continue with this routine. Exercising has so many benefits, physical and mental. Continue to persist with this and you will notice the benefits more and more.

Members, how does exercise help with depression?

Samantha, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Ashley,

I've been floundering for weeks now. But on Friday I decided I was going to the gym. While there, I pushed myself on the bike. I went 5.5 miles in half an hour. That was the best I have ever done. I was very proud of myself. then next day I went because I wanted to repeat the feeling of pride I got from it. So I went 6 miles in half an hour. :) Sunday was family day so I didn't go. Monday, I felt horrible. All I wanted to do was to go back to bed after dropping my daughter off. I know I shouldn't and that I have to fight these urges, so I made the mental decision to go. I didn't want to go, I didn't stay as long as normal and I didn't work as hard as normal, but I went. The action came before the motivation just as you say. I did the same thing today. Eventually, I will simply want to go. Until then I will go even when I don't necessarily want to go.

Rowsie

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Ashley:

Interesting about motivation. I've mentioned on other threads, I think, that I go to a weekly creative writing workshop. Well, I don't go every week because sometimes I get very discouraged about my abilities, and sometimes I am intimidated by having my writing praised.

Usually I enjoy the sessions, and the novelty of meeting and getting to know new people. Believe me, that's not something I do very often, or usually relish. In fact, this is the only social life I have had or wanted for countless years.

But every Saturday morning, I have to persuade, almost bully, myself to go along, and I'm riven with doubt and a desire to flee until the moment I arrive and I'm committed to being there, and there is no escape to be had without drawing attention to myself.

I do wonder why I go the bother of making myself do it, and why I stress myself like this over something that is meant to be pleasurable. Perhaps because for once I stuck my neck out and got out there, did something new, met new people, and sadly I'm proud of doing that and don't wish to let it go. Or maybe I have this puffed-up idea of myself as a capable writer and don't want to admit that I can't hack it.........

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi all,

Rowsie, when it comes to depression the action needs to come before the motivation. Since depression leads to little or no motivation it is unlikely that you will feel motivated to do something like go to the gym. How can you make the choice to go to the gym despite the lack of motivation?

You ask some interesting questions; are you ready for it? How about we ask, if you are not ready now, how will you know when you are ready?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hey Ashley,

Change is hard. I have always rebelled against change. I used to hate anything that changed but my job taught me how to embrace it and enjoy the new opportunities change can bring ... most of the time. It's like I'm sitting on a fence. Somedays I lean forward and can't wait to get going. Carpe Diem. Other days, I lean a little backward to where it is comfortable and safe. I am afraid to leave my comfort zone.

I know what I'm giving up by staying in the comfort of depression: my life. Time with family, friends, new adventures and new people. I gain it all when I change. Like ~m wrote, I will gain freedom. But am I ready for it? Am I ready to reach my full potential? Am I ready for the pressure that will put on me?

Somedays I'm afraid that the change is too much. Like today. I have been doing so well but today I can't be bothered to do anything except read or watch TV. I know if I go to the gym I'll come home feeling better and have more energy. I know it in my head but I am still here on the couch.

Rowsie

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Ashley,

Not changing is hard and leads to constant misery.

Not letting go of the depression costs us our freedom.

Letting go of the depression allows freedom to be restored.

F R E E D O M !!!

I never really knew what that meant before.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Me too, really. I've been depressed and mired in social phobia all my adult life, but only in the last three years have I been 'diagnosed' and had a label to stick to it. But I feel no different from the way I always have.

That label seems to give me a legitimacy, an identity amidst the doubt and fear. If I lose that now, I don't know what can take its place. I can come to forums like this, see psychologists and counsellors, and it feels like my unhappiness will be taken seriously, that I'm not just an old misery.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

This is a very interesting discussion!

To keep the ball rolling...

First of all , change is hard; especially behaviour change! Staying with the familiar can seem easier. But is it?

How is it harder? What are you sacrificing in order to stay in the familiar. And conversily what are you gaining?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned this to my husband. He was shocked. He couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to get better. I have been depressed my entire life. And I realized this week, anxious. It is all I have known. How strange is my life going to be if I get better? Will I know what to do with all the new feelings I will have? Will I still be happy with my life? Sometimes, I feel like it's better to stick with the devil I know rather that the devil I don't.

Rowsie

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

I distinctly remember the first time I hear a psychologist say "You are not your disease." I thought that was totally wrong. But it did get me thinking. I reference my "disease" more as a "disorder" ... but still. It really brought me up short, because depression was all I knew and how I identified myself...

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Clinging to depression