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Posts created by Pete

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Happy Independence day!

Well, I'm a Brit so Independence Day passed me by!

But I spent Sunday mainly chilling with my boys, which was okay. Watched some of the World Cup football (sorry, soccer!), some cricket. Took my son and partner shopping but......then unfortunately the handbrake/parking brake (or whatever you call it in America!) on my car slipped while I was stopped halfway up a hill and I nearly had an accident - rolled backwards whenever I tried to start moving. Luckily the driver behind was awake, but a whole line of cars had to back up so I could reverse down the hill until there was a clear run to the very top. No accident, thankfully, but I do get inordinately stressed by things to do with my car, and I shall be worried about that until it is fixed, hopefully this Friday.

So a mixed day. In the evening watched a really excellent French film called 'A Prophet'. When it was at the cinema early this year I saw it two nights running I liked it so much, and now I have the dvd, so I hunkered down with it.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Happy Independence day!

No, we don't have a national day that we celebrate. From this side of the pond, Americans always seem much more openly patriotic than we are here. I don't know if that's actually the case, but your flag and national anthem seem to be much more a part of daily life than ours.

I do try to have things to look forward to. I'm now trying to get out to a movie at least once a fortnight - I like foreign language and arthouse kind of films that make me think a bit. My hobby at home, as I've mentioned before, is guitar playing. Sometimes I really enjoy it, but often I end up frustrated with my lack of ability and almost feel the instrument is mocking me. Then it is not a pleasant or relaxing activity.

I'm fond of reading and writing, but seem to be very poor on application and concentration these days, so can't stick at either for long. It seems to be a general issue with me that I just don't enjoy the things I used to anywhere near as much as I did. It all just seems a futile waste of time on occasion, like I'm numbed to enjoyment.

We're all anonymous here, so I'll be honest. There is a young lady I see from time to time........time spent with her is the purest pleasure in my life right now, shutting away the rest of the world, no past, no future.

We are going on a family holiday in two weeks' time, but I am not looking forward to that at all. Sad to relate, but I hate going away on holiday, and just do it for my partner, who considers it an annual necessity. I'm the only driver in the family, and I think of it as just a week's driving - tiring and stressful. I don't like being away from my things, cooped up with the same four people for a week without respite.

The week after we come back from holiday is my niece's wedding. I won't go into detail how I feel about weddings - I'm sure you can guess!

So the pleasurable event I'm really looking forward to is the day after the wedding, when I shall sit down and do nothing!!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

hello....

Welcome. This is a good place and the people here are very giving.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Does talking about depression make it worse?

When I first arrived at this site and posted on the forum, over 18 months ago, I was desperate (very desperate). My first post was an aggressive, childish rant, venting all my anger and self-hatred into the wide open spaces of the internet.

The responses I got from the members was universally gentle and calming, and genuinely welcoming. I immediately felt at home here and have never forgotten the feeling of realising I wasn't all alone after all.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Negative core beliefs – Part III

That ALL sounds like me!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Words of encouragement

Thank you for this list, I am sure it will prove helpful to many members.

I envy people for whom such things are useful, so I won't criticise or revisit ground that was covered in a recent thread elsewhere on the forum. Personally I find slogans like this tend to deepen my depression and misanthropy and make me angry rather than motivate me. Perhaps because I'm English - I don't know. Plus, as I am not a Christian and have no belief in God, I can't relate to several of the sayings. And I have too analytical a mind and I read a lot of these and think to myself - '...that just is not true....'.

But all that is me and my shortcomings and closed-mindedness. I do sincerely hope that this list will encourage people who are more receptive than me.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Words of encouragement

"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"

Because negativity feeds on itself.

Aimed at me, greg_c??

Just expressing my opinion and reaction to lists of motivational slogans. I made it quite clear it was my reaction only, and that I am sure many people will find a list of this kind useful, and good luck to them. So I don't believe it was unreasonably negative.

And, all-in-all, in the final reckoning, I am suffering from depression, so occasionally, just once in a while, I have negative feelings and thoughts. Sorry about that, but I didn't think this forum was just here for the expression of cosy and 'positive' sentiment.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Words of encouragement

greg_c,

That's cool. I can be a prickly, spiky, sort of fellow at times. No offence either way I hope.

I could launch into a rant on why I find these kinds of slogans just plain offensive and extremely patronising, but I shall restrain myself. I know that some folks of a different temperament do get value from them.

Takes all sorts.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Your Top 3 - Summer Hobbies

Unfortunately I dislike heat and sunshine (I can't help it, I just feel physically so uncomfortable and drained when the weather is hot), and I do my best to avoid it. Of course, it makes me feel even more of a deviant and a misfit when almost everyone else is banging on about how 'lovely' it is and I feel the complete opposite.

So, my main Summer hobby is sticking indoors or in the shade when I have to go out. Just waiting for the Autumn to come around, really.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

So unhappy

Sorry, this is going to be a little self-pitying monologue. I just need to vent a while, and I don't expect anyone can really respond to it. But here goes anyway.

I'm just so unhappy, and so tired of being unhappy. Life is grey and flat, same old days same old me over and over again. And now, in seeking novelty and enjoyment to bring a spark back into my life, I've got myself locked into an addictive, financially expensive, behaviour. If it is discovered, it will destroy my family life. I love my family, but I can't find it in me to really care about the consequences.

I hate being at work, and when I am there I long to be at home. When I am at home I am bored and cramped and long to be anywhere else. It's as if whatever I do and wherever I go I am tense and out of place. Nothing fulfilling or enjoyable keeps my attention or commitment for long. I don't care if I eat or starve. And so unhappy, forever swimming in a murky sea of hatred for where, who and what I am. Playing my little roles, hiding behind plastic smiles.

I look at the program here and it makes me feel intimidated and exhausted. How on earth do people in my kind of condition find the energy and motivation to follow it through?

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