Stigma surrounding mental illness
I took a 6 week medical leave from work at a former employer and when I told him why --
he says, "What are you depressed about?"
Oh sheeeeeesh. Uh... I'm depressed that the grass is green! That I have green eyes! That green is the color of money! Duh!
That was my first experience with the stigma associated with mental illness. It won't be the last.
MDD doesn't make sense to those who are uneducated about it. And I try to remember that. It doesn't make sense to ME most of the time! heh
At first, I kinda kept things on the 'down-low' because I didn't want folks to treat me differently. But as my illness progressed, I felt I needed to explain because my parents and my brother were starting to get mad at me. They were coming down on me hard for not going to church and for being too sensitive, etc, etc.
So..since then, I don't care who knows. I try not to use it as an excuse, I just hope that it helps folks to accept that "Gigi's in bed again."
The last couple of years.. I've suffered the stigma result of lonliness. I have (I promise!) reached out to others to be my friend. I have tried, in spite of what my mother believes. I think people are afraid to be around me. Afraid I might have some kind of "fit" and they'll be stuck with it. Or afraid they'll do or say the wrong thing. Or afraid I'll bring THEM down.
I'm still the crazy silly fun Gigi that I used to be. I just might not be able to get up and do something all the time. Phone calls, cards, emails... how wonderful that would be. Invited to supper. Invited to go to the movies. Invited to anything. Invited... even if I can't make myself go.
I've also had a big disappointment from my church family. I've not been to church in many months now..since I have a hard time leaving home. I've gotten an email from the pastor's wife saying they want me to come back to church and sing for them. I've gotten a card from a person on a committee that is sposed to reach out to members not attending...that said she misses me and the girls at church and wants me to come back and sing for them. That's it.
I mean.. I did appreciate both of the messages, but... well... let's say I've been missing church because of another illness... like --- um --- Lyme disease. Do you think I would have heard from the church folks more than one card and one email? Yup.
I have a set signature on my private email that says something like "Mental Illness: The only sickness for which the church folk do not send a covered dish."
I got it from something a doctor said on a film I was watching. It's sad....but true.
And then there's the DATING thing. I've been divorced... gosh I think going on 6 years now. I've had one 'friend' in all this time, but had to break it off with him because he told me he has some kind of "pee-fettish." (excuse my bluntness) It's not that I was trying to diss him because of this.. it's just that, I have enuff going on with my own crazy self without worrying if he was going to ask me to urinate on him, or something. I just couldn't deal. Sorry to all the fettish folks out there. No offense intended.
But.. anyway... do you think I send out a vibe that says "Do not approach me--I am loony" ?? I know that I am not OUT much but I do go in the grocery store, the library and other stores like that once in a while. I have relatives that could be at least trying to fix me up with somebody they know.
I HAVE gained a good bit of weight with
