i'm afraid of a setback everyday! thanks for bringing it up. seems every time i start to feel good, like i have a handle on things those fears start creeping in. the blurts (my censor, my negative self-talking tapes) in my brain get more active and i begin to minimize any success i've had. "you're feeling great now but, just wait, it won't last, it never does, never has" i'm working with a therapist now- well, just started- which has given me hope. -twister
Lady, Thank you this! for bringing it up... i wrestle with the decision to take time out for myself vs. keeping a commitment and when i choose myself i feel horribly guilty and ashamed. i can make myself physically ill at times just thinking about it, how i may have let someone down, negative thoughts GALORE! again, thanks for bringing it up... something i need to work on very much -twister
Welcome! you are not alone here. I am fairly new to the site also and i've found a great deal of support and comfort here. i'm glad you're here, keep coming back!!! twister
i'm heartbroken and lost in my grief, i trusted someone close to me with my tears and pain- finally after hiding both for such a long time. i shared with hope of some understanding and i got shot down. there i was with my tears, barely able to speak through my fear of what might happen if i bare my soul and when i finished i got "so, how does everyone like your new color scheme for the living/dining room" i am devastated- how the hell do i deal with this?
Twister
first let me say thank you all so much for the responses- in the "state" i'm in i didn't expect much. and you're all right about this person not being the best choice for sharing my pain, baring my soul etc... and believe me i won't take that chance again!! This "person" is my husband of 13 years, he knows about my depression, he takes anti-depressants himself because a few years back after some difficult months of his crappy moods and anger outbursts i insisted he do something about it, he went to his md who rx'd a low dose of celexa and that was the end of it. I should've known better, he calls the meds "happy pills", when i'm having a bad day he usually suggests i take a nap. I've taken it all in stride in the past.
Unfortunately now i have lost trust in him completely!
He probably didn't know what to say or do at the moment, my confessions (particularly about seeing a therapist) probably scared him... whatever. the experience has enlightened me to the state of our marriage which is obviously something that needs work. He probably thought i was just stressed, i don't even know and right now i don't even care... i will seek support elsewhere- here, my therapist, my friend who may not understand depression specifically but, understands emotional pain. And i won't go to the divorce attorney just yet.
thanks for listening! thanks for responding and supporting me! thanks for being here for me even when you all have your own issues. it truly is a comfort to know that there is understanding somewhere.
hi dumpling- i think you may be on to something here- i believe i have all of those characteristics (not sure how far above normal my intelligence is- wink, wink) but, i am hypersensitive to others moods/feelings, expect near perfection from myself, have a hard time saying no, #1 leaning post in my circle, rock bottom self-esteem most of the time, difficult time asking for what i need/want and everything IS my fault... right? My question is which came first?
wonderful quote wildcat! it is true here!! it took me awhile to convince myself to share this story- it's been hard to see past the pain i felt. and now that i have i feel some relief, the tears don't come instantly when i think about it and that is all because of all of you. i feel validated, my hope restored.
"the key is to keep company with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best" -Epictetus
this is one of my favorite quotes, i think it is fitting for this conversation... and perhaps one day i can work to help enlighten people about depression and MI and change this stigma we face.
i have put this issue on hold as far as hubby is concerned- he knows i'm hurt and angry and i'm sure probably thinks in time i'll "come around" and act normal again. Normal is just not my thing so we'll see where that takes us. i do plan on talking this over with my therapist before i make an appointment with a divorce attorney ;)
thanks again all
hey there nullpointer! i am having trouble with this one too- the goal setting and planning seems like a foreign language. it's hard enough to figure out what i want for myself, my life let alone put it into words on a page. keep at it, i plan to... maybe we can compare notes at some point!?
what a catch 22 we are in- exercise helps with depression but depressed people can't always find a way or the motivation to exercise. for me the physical symptoms (and right now plantar fasciitis) prevent me from doing much. but, i do lack motivation... BIG TIME!! i have been told by my doc that most anti-depressants cause weight gain although when i started using prozac i initially lost weight then stabilized. when i switched meds recently i started gaining again- go figure??!!
just keep trying new things- sometimes i put music on and dance around for as long as i can... for me that doesn't feel as much like exercise as a walk or some formal program, at least not usually. i find music to be great "medicine" and motivation.
It’s been a while since you were active on this site. Please extend your session below
You have been logged out due to inactivity.
Please sign back in.
We use cookies to help us learn about how our platform is used and how we can improve your experience. To
learn more please see our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
