Welcome D im sure everyone here understands the lonliness and isolation you are feeling too.I know i do.I relate on so many levels i also cut and feel so worthless.I was raped when i was 14 have made a couple of suicide attemps and just generally hate life at the moment my advice is to take one day at a time dont put too much pressure on yourself.Know that im here if you need me ok.Gabbi.
Thats ok Paul just a question is it possible that the reason you feel numb and cant experience the positiveness is because of the meds you are on?I know when my meds were increased i felt numb also couldnt get emotional as such.I feel like im on auto pilot everyday not able to enjoy much and it is so exhausting to be fighting with your mind all day every day.Gabbi.
Hi Kat at first when i was diagnosed with all my disorders my husband was great could not do enough for me when i would be on a downer i would go into my bathroom and just cut my arms with a piece of glass i had hidden in there or a razor blade whatever i could get first he would hear me crying and practically break the door down and just sit there and cuddle me one time i grabbed all my anti depressants and started to take them and he got really angry with me and started yelling at me then realised that wasnt the answer and took me to hospital and had me checked over but id only taken a few so i was ok but now hes just never home so i am dealing with this on my own.How long have you been married for?Gabbi.
Hi Sharon im glad you enjoyed yourself it always feels good to get out of the house clothes and get dolled up for a night.I know what you mean about watching what you say i get really nervous when im around people fearful that i'll say or do the wrong thing and upset someone.You must be pretty fit to walk for 2 hours you'd have to scrape me up off the pavement if i walked for that long i am so unfit now that im too scared to play any sport i used to play netball 3 nights a week and 2 of those nights i would play 2 or 3 games of indoor. Now im too scared to play cause 1.theres lots of people there. and 2.I might have a panic and make a fool of myself.
My husband wrote me a 3 page letter saying how sorry he is about everything so hes agreed to go to marriage counselling i just have to make an appointment so im hoping life is going to get a little easier now.He tried to cuddle me last night but i find myself pushing him away cause he has said and done alot of things that have hurt me and i cant just pretend that ive forgiven him so hopefully a counsellor will be able to help us.If not i will not hesitate to leave.
Good luck with the public transport you can do it i have faith in you.Gabbi.
I have to agree with you i do all of those things you stated at least once a day i had bulimia when i was younger but i no longer purge i just barely eat(anorexia) which makes my anxiety worse because of the lightheadedness and such body sensatins from starving myself which makes me have panic attacks.I also have ocd such as excessive cleaning fear of germs i have a whole cupboard dedicated to cleaning products which i use daily and i have ocd thoughts such as thinking that ive left a child at home when im out in the car so im constantly checking fear that something bad is going to happen i also spend more time then i should checking my face and body in the mirror for blemishes.So far i have been diagnosed with Panic disorder,OCD,Major depresson but i think they are all linked somehow, with me anyway thats my opinion.Gabbi.
Maybe she just isnt the person for you?Maybe you are trying too hard?I know it would be hard but ask your girlfriend what she wants but more importantly what is it you want dont compromise your happiness just so you are not alone get involved in clubs or sports that you enjoy and you will meet like minded people and you never know where it could take you.Goodluck.Gabbi.
Hi Kat i know how hard it is to deal with these feelings and my doctor told me not to make any major life decisions(like leaving my husband) while being depressed because maybe its the way i react to things whilst being depressed does that make sense?I know when im really depressed i push everyone away but i know that dosnt help any because to get better you need the support of yor family more then ever i found that out today when i saw my psychologist i try and be strong and able to cope with whatever life throws at me but i just keep crashing down in the end so i have enlisted in the help of a couple of close friends and they are going to help.
Your 'problems' arnt stupid being depressed and all the issues that go with it is very serious dont put yourself down like that you are a good person who deserves to be happy and im sure you would stand by your man if he was dealing with issues too.How long have you been married?I also hate that someone might see me as weak and im dealing with that in therapy at the moment i had a lot of pressure from my parents to be strong and not fail at anything and what would the neighbours say sort of things and ive managed to carry that with me into adulthood.Id love to have the i dont care what anyone thinks as long as those around me are happy attitude but im sure it will be a long time coming.You will get through this Kat just you see.Gabbi.
Hey Kat i have only been married for it will a year next month but we have been together forever(seems that way anyhow)You need your husbands support to get through this tough time so try not to push him away i know its hard but im sure he will support you as best as he can.I wouldnt say you are dissapointing him either although iknow where you are coming from.It is just a moment in your life that will make you stronger in the end.I have a tendency to overreact to everything too so i know how you feel there.Its the depression thats making you feel queezy i was tired all day too then when i did go to bed i lay there for hours worrying about everything unable to sleep which obviously dosnt help.Try relaxation techniques warm bubble bath then a warm drink tell yourself i will worry about such and such tomorrow and if you wake through the night tell yourself the same thing thats what ive been doing anyway i think its helped me im feeling much better so there is hope.Gabbi
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