Hi Batty im doing as well as i can i try so hard to be positive everyday but some days its like a battleground in my mind had a couple of rough days but getting back on track again i think.My doctor is still away 4 more weeks and she will be back.Im glad your son is doing good they are such a worry arnt they.Im glad you are doing good too thanks for caring.Gabbi.
Hi Sharon
Im sure you are right about my husband he knows exactly what hes doing not that he would admit it he is being really nice at the moment cause my son told him we went and had a look at a house the other day so i think he knows im serious.I just cant stand him to be around anymore i know that sounds awful but i just cant take anymore of his crap.
On monday night i took my kids over to the supermarket my husband was suppose to be home so he could take us but he never came home till 9pm and i had to get stuff for the kids for school so i got so angry i thought i'll show you and i did it i went grocery shopping with my kids i am so proud of myself.Then i took my son to school and my younger son to pre school with my girls with me(the first time in 5 months)I am on a mission i have a point to prove im going to do it i have to prove to myself i can thanks for your support it really helps.Your right about being scared thats all it is fear im scared to be alone im scared but that dosnt mean i cant do it.
Im glad to hear you are getting out and about too.You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty of your boyfriends death you didnt make him get in the car you are not to blame i see why you feel that way but truly it was not your fault.Its hard to lose people that we love in normal circumstances but to lose 2 people who you love in awful ways would be devastating i can understand why you would want to get away but as the old saying goes you can run but you cant hide those feelings are going to be there no matter where you move to.I think it will be a big help for you to work through this with you therapist although im sure it will be hard you will be ok in the end and im always here if you need support ok.Take care.Gabbi.
Hi Kat why dont you show your husband what you have written here i thought my husband was the only one that blames everything on me pmsing so im glad to see im not alone there ;)Is it possible for your husband to go to a doctors appointment with you?I also have panic disorder,agoraphobia brought on by the panic attacks and OCD.I feel that im getting a hold on my panic attacks now i have gone from having 3 or more a day to 1 a week so i have been getting out more which is making my confidence come back which is making me feel better its such a vicious cycle.You sound like you have a lot of the fears that i have had one time or another and i am working on my belief that im worthless with my psychologist at the moment its amazing that your mind can do this to you i think we have to retrain our way of thinking i have always been a pessimist but i have many things happen in my life that made me think the worst of everything so i dont know how i could do things any different hope that made sense.As for my husband he is not very supportive when i had our last child i got post partum depression and he was really good couldnt do enough for me now though he barely comes home and when he is here we only argue or ignore each other.Just ask your husband to have plenty of patience with you and lots of support and hugs wouldnt hurt either.Be patient with yourself too dont expect to much from yourself too soon.Take one day at a time thats what ive been doing and make sure you dont have too many things going on that will stress you and do something that you enjoy each day thats a start anyhow im glad i could help you it makes me feel like im useful for something.Gabbi.
Sharon please dont apologise i understand how your feeling i sometimes have horrid dreams like that too its very hard to get back to sleep afterwards cause they seem so real at the time.Why did you feel that way after therapy today?Sometimes its hard to talk about some things but the therapist is there to help guide you through his tough time you are not a loser in any such way.Tomorrow is another day as josie said already do something thats relaxing for you to unwind and calm yourself down let me know how you are.Gabbi.
Sharon although it may not feel like it at the moment you will get back on top of your depression and anxiety im sure of that.Take each day as it comes and try to get outside for a bit if you can i have been making myself do a bit of gardening each day i think the fresh air does me some good even though id rather be curled up in bed.
I have had some issues similar to to those you have said about your childhood come out in therapy just recently also and its strange that all these years later it can still affect me the way that it does.My parents split up when i was in 8th grade and one day my mum had taken us 3 kids somewhere i cant recall where but on the way home we were driving on a road that was on a mountainside and she said 'it would be easier if i just drive off this cliff wouldnt it' and that is something that for whatever reason i cant 'get over' my dad was going somewhere one night and us kids were giving him a kiss goodbye i was jumping up and down and when he leaned over to kiss me i headbutted him he kicked my legs out from under me and i got a huge bruise on my thigh and my mum said i deserved it.How do you 'get over' those sorts of things?Id love to be able to let go of them i know my parents did the best that they could and i love them to bits but some things i suppose you just cant put past you.My therapist says alot of what im dealing with now is because of my childhood and i would have to agree.
My husband was very abusive to me last night and today i feel so worthless and down on myself like maybe what he was saying is true and im not a very good person.Maybe i just dont deserve to be happy as long as i can keep everyone else happy that should be enough for me shouldnt it?Sorry enough of my pathetic life i hope tomorrow is a better day for you.Make sure you eat too cause that wont help you any by not eating listen to me i should talk :(Why does life have to be so hard Sharon.Take care.Gabbi.
Martha just wanted to say hi and let you know CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.Sorry your having a rough time unfortunatly i dont have a cure for you just a virtual shoulder to lean on anytime ok.Gabbi.
Welcome dee you have dealt with alot in your life.Sorry to hear of your mothers death.I believe that depression is caused by both biology and situational.Anyhow just wanted to say im here if you need a chat.Gabbi.
Welcome Paul i truly think one of the worst feelings is the depersonalization i dont feel like i am in control at that moment and i freak every single time i feel like that without fail.Congratulations on your almost completed masters degree that is such an inspiration for me that you have managed to do that all the while being diagnosed with what you have :)You say you are fearful of continuing dont fight the fear embrace it fearing it is what feeds it.You are so much stronger than it.Anyhow just wanted to say hi.Gabbi.
Sharon its good to hear your having a good day :)How is your family?I hope they are well also.
I am going to have a look at a couple of houses on Monday hopefully one which is quite close to my sons school will be just what i need.I tried to talk with my mother on thursday night about my relationship problems but she dosnt want to hear about them she just keeps dismissing what im telling her.My parents love my husband to bits and of course they only ever see his nice side so they just think im making stuff up im sure i feel so trapped my husband keeps telling me i wouldnt have half the things i have if it wasnt for him and i couldnt raise the kids properly on my own(even though my psychologist says im a single mother as it is) i feel like im starting to believe im as worthless as what he says could i really raise my children by myself?I would rather be single and happy then to stay in this unhappy marriage but im so scared i will fail and everyone will say i told you you couldnt do it.
I hope you have a fabulous night out you will look stunning make sure you let me know how it goes.Have fun :)Gabbi.
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