Someone once asked me what I think panic is trying to teach me. After I had spat out a few choice words I actually thought on it a little more. I think I have become more compassionate since this has happened I empathize a lot more with people. I am a lot more patient with others and hope that I can be the same with myself. I have also realized that I do not live in a vacuum and that it's okay to be weak (maybe vulnerable is a better word?) sometimes and it's okay to ask for help. The last is particularly difficult for me to embrace (I have been self-sufficient for so long) but I am embracing it and it feels good. I thank you all for your offers to listen to my daily struggles and help me through it. And I know you mean it when you say you understand because you've been there too.
Naa
So I was feeling pretty good all day at work then we had a seminar at noon and I was asked to read a portion of the handouts. I am not usually anxious if I have to do stuff like this but for some reason I got nervous because the font size was quite small and I felt like I was reading like a 5 year old. After the seminar I felt really bad and had a lot of what ifs running through my head - Like what is my coworkers thought I was stupid, or that I cant read out loud. Of course this is all silly because i do a lot of training at work. The thoughts didnt stop though - no matter how much I tried to ignore them. So of course an hour ago I felt my muscles and chest tighten and felt like I couldnt breathe and I got really scared but I am sticking it out - I am practicing but it is so very hard...
Yes. I see where the negative sneaked in - In the past I would have said that the panic came from no where because the "reading" incident and the panic were spaced apart but now I see how my thinking affects how I feel even an hour or two after I have had that thought.
I had a pleasant surprise today - I felt really anxious and panicky and just kept telling myself to accept the feelings and go limp and not tense against the sensations - It took a while but the panic has dissipated somewhat. This stuff really works :-)
I felt good enough to attend a zumba class today. After I felt a little sore and some chest tightness so of course I had all these anxious thoughts running through my head - They still are - I am trying to accept...
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