The struggle with self-esteem, or perhaps more so my self worth, has been consuming my thoughts for years now. I know it is directly related to my drinking. My family and friends have always been supportive of me and I receive positive messages all around. I am the problem! I have only recently accepted the idea that I am addicted to alcohol and that is why it has such a hold on me and my lack of healthy decision making of late. So, for many years, I have blamed myself for being undisciplined and apathetic to making better choices about drinking. And it is a habit that I am having trouble shaking. Too often, I think about how much easier it would be if I were not here anymore. Problem solved.
This, of course, is the easy way out, leaving only pain behind for my loved ones.
I am very successful in my career, I have a wonderful family and group of friends...I am so very blessed, so why to I continue to botch it up?? I am happy and alive at work. But, when I am alone, I am miserable. I have been struggling with depression, and though not nearly as severe as a few years ago, it still lingers.
Well, it has been two weeks since my last drink. Weekends are my trouble spot. I keep trying. One day at a time.
